My how life changes you.....

This picture was taken at the old historic "Mission Inn" in Riverside, CA. We used this wonderfully romantic location for an opportunity to take some engagement pictures back in November of 2003. Seems like yesterday that I fell in love with my main man!!! I love you Randy!!!


This is yet another picture at one of our favorite fountain gardens at the Inn. We actually used this photo as the cd cover for our wedding cd that many of you received at our wedding.


This was the morning after Randy proposed to me!!!! Look, we are both glowing!!!


Outside the hotel where I stayed the night Randy proposed. This was right before we flew out together to Nashville for me to attend a conference. What happy times!!!!


Randy and I taking off from our wedding reception in grand style!!!!! I still can't believe you pulled this off Randy. What a fairytale!!!!


Randy & I on our way to the summit of Mt. Whitney in California. We've had so many great adventures.



One of my first attempts at skiing when Randy & I were dating. By the looks of this picture you'd think I was a pro.......HA HA!!!


Being romantic under the mushroom at the water slides at Lake Chelan. We'll always be kids at heart.


Randy took me into a simulator during those first days of dating.....what fun to see what my pilot guy does for a living.


Tubing fun with the nieces and nephews at Confluence State Park. We may have both twisted our backs up during this trip, but it sure was fun........HIT IT!!!!!!



Tonight I was sitting next to Little Bug's bed and his little eyes were swollen shut and I had a moment of tears and I laid my head on his chest and I wondered what had happened to our life??? I began to think of all the many, many fun memories that Randy and I have shared over the past 8 years and I had to smile. I wiped away my tears and I picked up Connor's hand and grasped it in mine and I began to tell him story after story of the wonderful adventures that his daddy and I had had!! After a while, I decided to pull out the computer and look at some pictures and when I did, I knew I had to share them with all of you.

You see, Randy & I haven't always been so worried and concerned. To be honest, we were as carefree as they come. Going place to place and adventuring the world with great ease!! We've seen things that would literally take my breath away and we have done things that even our families don't believe sometimes. We laughed so much and we've enjoyed our life together. Who would have known that our life would take such a drastic change. Circumstances have a way of stopping you in your tracks and changing your direction, but one thing I have realized is that it is not bad. It is just different. Our hearts have been expanded in ways that we never thought possible and that is a miracle. Becoming parents has been the greatest adventure yet and I can honestly say that I can hardly wait to post pictures on this blog of Connor and our growing little baby in backpacks enjoying all these fun things with us. We always knew from the moment that Randy & I knew we would be husband and wife that we were meant to be a family, not just the two of us!! With Connor it made three and now with our little unborn child on the way, it will make four. Our family is growing and so are we.

It was good tonight to come to these realizations in my heart. We will not always be sad and have tears in our eyes. We will adventure again, and it is going to be fantatstic....I personally can't wait!!!!

Lovebug Hugs,
Lori

Breathing Tube Out!!!!

I am happy to report that the breathing tube is out!!! Today around 11:30am they removed Little Bug from the ventulator. This wasn't without worry though!!! It took him about 20 seconds before he would take a breath on his own and they had to bag him with the oxygen bag. It was obvious that he was either going to need the breathing tube reinserted or go directly on c-pap. They decided c-pap was ok and so he is now back on the big "elephant nose". He still hasn't been awake and he hasn't really opened up his eyes. It is so hard to see him constantly in this state of stillness (well, except when he is aggitated!!!) I told the nurses today, "It's more like waiting for Connor to come out of a comma than it is waiting for his lungs and body to heal." How I wish I could trade places with my precious son so that he wouldn't have to hurt any more!!

He is still having difficulty with his tummy. They haven't ok'd him to get back to feeding because his tummy has zero motility. There are no bowel sounds and he has now stopped peeing too. They have a cathater in to help him out and they think that this problem is due to the amounts of morphine he is on. As he begins to heal and as his body weans off the narcotics, we hope to see this get better. As I am writting this message we are waiting for X-ray to come and take a picture of his lungs. Apparently, they believe his left lung may be collapsing. My goodness, what's next???? This little guy has been through so much and he deserves a break. Keep up your prayers so that we can attest to the miracles that God is doing in this sweet child.

Thanks for all your love and prayers,
Lovebug Hugs,
Lori

PS ~ Daddy is still in Germany and was able to call us this morning. He is hoping to be home by Sunday. We miss you sweetheart. Be safe as you fly and know that you are right here in our hearts. Love you!!!!

Daddy away on a trip again!

Yep here I am again...sun rising over our big iron C-17 while getting prepared for the long trip to Ramstein Germany....
















...but as always "Littlebug" goes with me everytime. Sorry Lori I wish I could take you too but I don't think you'd fit in my bag, and as you can see in this photo "Littlebug" is very small....but...
















....he does a big job..... helping Daddy to refuel inflight!

.....and if you've ever wondered what I do while waiting for a mission at Ramstein....well here it is....the library!!! Yep I spend alot of time here reading Littlebugs blog missing my beautiful wife and wishing I was home!

Lovebug hugs...Dad

Breathing Tube Still In........

Saturday evening as they prepared Little Bug for his big day of extibation (removal of the breathing tube) they put him through a mandatory pressure test on the ventulator. After about the first hour they realized that Connor just wasn't ready to say goodbye to the breathing tube. His respiration rate went up dramatically and they decided not to push him. So, the new plan is to try another pressure test on Tuesday and see how he does. For the moment he remains sedated and resting.

Connor is also struggling through the feeding issue. He doesn't have any mobility in his tummy yet and there are no active bowel sounds. His G-Tube site is leaking horribly and they are concerned that he is not processing properly. They have dropped back to 5 cc per hour on his feeding (it had only been to 10) and they are going to see if they can't get him to start processing properly. He hasn't had a bowel movement since last Monday so they are a bit concerned that things have not started back up. The docs are keeping a close eye on the situation and hopefully we will see progress in the next couple of days.

Randy is safely in Germany and we talked with him this morning. He is awaiting his assignment of where he will travel to next. One thing we know for sure is he misses us very much and he is already counting the days until he comes back home.

I am both humbled and encouraged by the countless comments to my previous post. Thank you for giving me a soft place to land in this whirlwind of emotions. Thank you for, in return, sharing your own vulnerabilities and struggles. I/we are blessed to have so many loving and supportive friends and family in blogger land!!!! We are forever grateful!!!!

Lovebug Hugs,
Lori

A Vulnerable Look Through The Window Of My Heart...

It was about 9:00pm last evening when my body made an unconscious decision to get up from my perched position in Little Bug’s room, walk two steps to his bed and climb up on the platform they have provided to rise me just high enough above his machines and tubes as to not disturb him. Once there, I smothered him with silent kisses and whispered “I love you’s” in his ears before exiting his room for the evening. With a certain numbness and hollow feeling, I walked 53 steps to the elevator, pushed #5 and waited to exit. I turned the corner into the sleeping area and with robotic motion entered the 5 digit code to open the door to my sleeping closet. When I arrived, it was quiet and cold and empty, nothing a sleeping room should be. I have always been fond of falling asleep in a warm & cozy room with signs of life everywhere. Where are the signs of life in this 8 x 8 room? I know the obvious answer is ME! I am living and breathing, but why do I feel so void of life? Maybe because life, as I had planned it and hoped it would be is not within my reach.

I fumbled around in my bag to find one of Connor’s sleepers, and I curled up in my single bed grasping onto the smells of my precious baby boy. I had myself a good ‘ol cry and then found myself restless with the thoughts and truths that you are about to read. I often find myself in the darkness with thoughts that I just cannot ignore, but tonight the thoughts are rushing in with a vengeance. The words are swirling around in my mind like a million $10 bills in a wind tunnel, out of control and going no where. Suddenly, the words form sentences and the sentences form paragraphs and before I knew it this post was created. For months now I have used this blog to chronicle Connor’s progress, but I have also used it for an outlet for my feelings and honesty. This is yet another view into the vulnerabilities of my heart.

I have always been the “go to girl”. You know, the one who swoops in when the chips are down and brings a word of encouragement or lends a hand of support when others are in need. Anyone who knows me well, knows that this is true. It is second nature. It is who I was born to be. It isn’t hard. It takes no effort. It really doesn’t even take a second thought. To be quite honest, it has brought me some of the greatest joys of my life. I find contentment in being able to walk alongside a soul that is hurting or confused and I love to watch as transformations begin to take place. It is wonderful to know that God has given me a beautiful gift of stepping into the lives of others and helping to provide what they need at the very time they need it.

As of late, I find myself in a very different role. I don’t swoop in for others because I am in need myself. I haven’t given in the ways that I love to give for almost a year now and I feel displaced. I feel empty from being in need, but I also feel empty for not helping someone else in need. What a quandary!! I have realized that this wasteland that I am in is unfamiliar, unsettling, unproductive and unwanted. I never asked to be here. I never wanted to be here. But here I am, in need. I don’t quickly answer my family and sweet friends with a “Yes, come on down, we’d love to see you!” because I wonder if it will just be a depressing visit filled with more questions and more uncertainty that will frustrate everyone. This isn’t me. This isn’t the woman I am on the inside. I have come to the conclusion that I don’t “do” needy well. I am not accustomed to asking for help or support or even love. How do I make the switch? How do I transition from being strong to asking for others to help hold me up?

Many of you may wonder why it is that when you have asked to help us out why we don’t have too much to say. I know for myself that I am confused with the facts of being needy and needing support. It is the hardest thing for me to admit that I cannot do this on my own or that Randy and I cannot band together with our faith in God and let that be enough….It is not enough!!! We are definitely at a place where we need others, but it is so hard to receive. And it is even harder to ask for it!! It is humbling and it is overwhelming.

Is it pride that creeps in and makes me wonder if the blogs that I post will simply make people feel sorry for us or if they will really understand our suffering? When we comment about Little Bug’s progress, or lack there of, and ask for prayers, do you realize how that makes us feel as parents? We feel inadequate to face the struggles that Connor endures and we wonder how long we will have to continually ask for the army to rise up around us. When do we get to go back to being in the army? Could it be pride, once again, that kicks in when one more person wants to come and meet our precious son and I realize I don’t have the commodity of putting a cute little outfit on him to make him look as cute as possible for this new introduction? We have to introduce our son with a tube down his throat, naked as he came into this world, with every scar exposed for all to see. There is no “prettying” him up for our beloved visitors. Is it also pride which makes it so hard to admit how far behind we are in this world of development that Connor has yet to discover? How we wish we could talk about the wonderful milestones that we are reaching as a family and how we are watching Little Bug explore the world with wonder, but this is not a conversation that is ours to have at the moment. We do know it will come, but when? When will it come?

Oh Lord, break me of this pride if this is what it is. Repair what is broken inside of me that doesn’t allow me to receive with grace what so many want to provide for me, for us, for our little family. This is not an easy journey, Lord. It seems to be lasting much longer than we ever planned and it seems to be robbing us of so much. I feel like it should be easier for me to just make a decision to “choose joy”, but I find it most difficult to choose anything because our road seems to be so predetermined and so many choices have been taken away from us. Give me clarity dear Lord to trust you to redirect our path and bring our joy back into view. Would you quietly enter this displaced heart and fill it with your sweet spirit of conformity and love. Is it possible that you could replace this wandering and wondering heart with a sense of your shepherding and your guiding hand? I know that you know the way through the wilderness and I know that you will lead us to the promised land. I know it in my heart, by my faith that I have in your word, but my mind is beginning to doubt your plan. Take my doubt and wipe it clean. Take my questions and provide your clam and your peace for the answers that I must hear. You are a GOOD God and I do trust you. Walk with me in this lonely desert place. Breathe new life into my soul and allow your word to be proclaimed once again within my heart. Amen.

These thoughts, whether random or contrived or confused, are the still echoes of my soul. By very nature of their loud knocking on my minds door last night, they were words that were begging to find a place outside of me to be examined and to be laid for all to see.

Lovebug Hugs,
Lori

PS ~ Connor’s condition remains the same today. He is heavily sedated and sleeping fairly well. They stopped his antibiotics today as the surgeon feels that he isn’t at risk for infections from the actual surgery any longer. He is still fairly puffy and they are tweaking his medicines to see if they can get more fluid off of him. Other than that, the plan remains the same to keep the breathing tube in until Sunday.

Day after surgery......

Not too much has changed today. The doctors have decided to keep Little Bug intubated until Sunday, at least. So that means 4 more days of complete and total sedation. Keeping Connor quiet is the best thing they can do for his recovery. So, we have resigned ourselves to many more days without seeing Connor's eyes open.

Randy left today to get ready for his trip overseas that he leaves for tomorrow. We always hate to see Daddy go away, but we will count the days until he comes back to us.

Off to get some sleep and try to shake off this terrible headache that I can't seem to get rid of.

Lovebug Hugs,
Lori

Post Surgery Update...

After a long day of waiting, our Little Bug is back in his ICU room resting and trying to recover from his big day. We met with Dr. Kim and he explained the details of the surgery with us. He felt very positive about the overall outcome and went into some of the details about why the surgery lasted so long. First of all, the robotics take a bit longer because when he is working on the machine he has five little arms that are all inserted into Little Bug's abdomen that are working together to take each action he directs. You will see in the pictures that Randy is about to post that the machine is quite large and very technical. They had to blow up Connor's abdomen with CO2 so that everything would, in essesence, float around. After making the five small incisions for the little arms to enter Connor's body, it is then up to Dr. Kim to manuever the arms in the right fashion to direct each movement.

Once he was inside he saw that Connor had an extremely high level of scar damage from his past surgeries and his liver and stomach had actually fused together. He said that at first he was disoriented because of the size and shape of the mass, but once he was able to make sense of everything he began disecting his way through the tissue and everything became clear. He was able to successfully free each of the organs so that they are independent from eachother. It also became quite clear that the hiatal hernia was larger than anticipated. This was the first thing that he fixed. After fixing the hernia he attempted to make his way through more scar tissue to get to the esaphagus to redo the Nissen. Once again he saw where the Nissen had unraveled and attached itself to the liver. Once everything was all cleaned up inside and the scar tissue was removed, he was able to redo the Nissen at the proper tightness. We are hoping that this Nissen will hold and will actually help his reflux symptoms, and in turn help the rest of the GI symptoms.

The end of the surgery was actually the quickest part, as Dr. Kim put it. Because of all the scar tissue that was cut through there were 2 nerves, called Vegas nerves that were severed. Since the nerves are no longer functioning the way they should, Dr. Kim had to go in and cut the Pyloric Valve so that Connor's stomach can empty properly. This was a very quick procedure and once it was finished they were able to remove the Robot and prepare Connor to come back to ICU. Before he left the OR Dr. Kim removed his GJ feeding tube and reinserted a "Mickey Button" G-tube for feedings. This means that he will no longer be fed in his small intestine, but in his stomach. We are very glad about this because that means his feeding will get one step closer to normal. He will have to remain on continuous feeds for at least a month and then we can start transitioning to every three hour feedings and then transition to normal oral feeding. We are excited about this transition!!!

I know that was a lot of technicality, but overall, that is what happened today. Dr. Kim felt confident in the procedure and he feels that this will provide Connor with some relief. At this point, we have no idea what kind of help this is going to give him but we are hopeful that it will be the miracle we are looking for.

Thank you so much for all your prayers and words of support today. Little Bug's recovery is still going to be touchy because his lungs are still very sick. We don't know how long he will have to be on the breathing tube, but it will probably be a while longer. We will post as we have info about his overall outlook and the length of time we think we are going to have to be in the hospital. At this point we're still looking at 2-3 weeks at least.

Again, thank you for all your prayers. We know that God was moving on Connor's behalf today and we are thankful for a surgery without complications. When all is said and done, God is Good!!!

Dear Lord, We thank you for a good outcome today. It may not have been as conclusive as we had hoped, but it was successful!!! Thank you for holding us up today and for being with Little Bug during every second of this long day. Please remain a constant source of comfort for Connor and cradle him close as he is sleeping this evening. Thank you for our precious son, he is a gift from you and we treasure him with all of our hearts. We are blessed dear Lord and we thank you for watching over our little family. Amen.

Lovebug Hugs,
Randy, Lori and Little Bug

PS~ We are holding up pretty well. We're tired, but we're still standing by the grace of God!! Hopefully tonight will be filled with sweet, wonderful sleep (for all of us!!!)

Littlebugs surgery day pictures

Well here we go again....down that long, cold, lonely hallway to the OR....Littlebug is the brave & courageous one in the bed!


The procedure setup was the longest because they used this new robotic arm machine called.......


....the "Da Vinci", which is basically an extention of the surgeon's hands that enable him to operate in small intricate places....like Littlebug's gut. It has great precision...which Mommy and Daddy really appreciate!!!!! But the strangest thing about this device is what it looks like when the surgeon is actually doing the procedure........



.....and here he is !!!! Yep he is operating on our Littlebug right now!!!....and Littlebug is across the room!!!!!!!! So to all you parents who get after your kids for playing to many video games....ya just might want to rethink that idea!!!!!


....so while the Doc is across the room the attending surgical team watches and controls what's going on at Littlebug's side!


....about 8 1/2 hours later they are closing up our Littlebug. The surgery took a little longer because they used that new machine but it enabled them to do the surgery with precision without opening up the tummy......


......so here he is our little war wounded hero....Our Littlebug will make his grandpa's stoop in emabarrasment at all the scares he has! If you look close you can see he only had small cuts where the probes of the Da Vinci machine went in. If they were not able to do it that way they were possibly going to have to extent that chest incision from the end you see (by the end of the sternum) all the way down to his belly button!!! OUCH Glad they didn't have to do that!!!


....so Mommy and Daddy where VERY glad that the surgery was done with only those small incisions and that our Littlebug came through with flying colors!!!!

Again thank you all for your prayers and concern for us and our Littlebug

Lovebug Hugs and Kisses......Randy Lori and Littlebug !!!

Just Got The Page.....

Just got the page from the OR. We are on our way to our parent conference with Dr. Kim. Connor is wheeling his way back to his ICU room and we should be able to see him after our conference. We will post more after a while and we will add the pics from the operating room.

Lovebug Hugs,
Lori

Waiting For Final Words From the Operating Room...

It's 4:00pm and we are just waiting for the final words from the operating room to let us know that the surgery is over. Things are definately taking longer than expected because of this new technology that they are using in the operating room. Dr. Kim assured us this morning that if things went longer than expected, not to worry, but to realize that it is just because of the robotic technology. Hopefully we will know more soon. We anticipate a call any moment.
We'll post when we have new info.

Lovebug Hugs,
Lori

3rd Word From the Operating Room...

We just got off the phone with Tori, one of Connor's OR nurses. She said that, once again, everything is stable and Little Bug is doing well. Dr. Kim is just about ready to start the Nissen redo and replace his GJ Feeding Tube with a new button G-Tube. She feels that they are about an hour or so from being finished and then it will be back to ICU for recovery. We anticipate talking with Dr. Kim in a parent conference about the surgery in about an hour and a half. We look forward to the insight that he has gained from seeing inside of Connor and we pray that he will feel positive about the outcome. More to come after our conference and then it will be off to see our Little Bug.

Dear Lord, Thank you for providing this day for Connor. Thank you that things have been uncomplicated in the OR, even though we know that Little Bug's situation is definately complicated. We are so grateful that you know all things and that you knew today would come and go with answers for us. Please Lord, provide those answers we pray. Amen

Lovebug Hugs,
Lori

2nd Word From the Operating Room.....

We just received word moments ago from Connor's OR nurse that things are proceeding without complications, but they are taking a little longer than anticipated. There is a lot of scar tissue to get through and this makes the operation a tad bit more difficult than most. She said they preparing to start the repair of the hernia and the redo of the nissen shortly. All of Little Bug's numbers look good as far as heart rate and oxygen levels go. All to say, that for the moment our prayers are being answered and our Little Bug is doing well. We will post more after our next conversation with the operating room.

Dear Lord, Please remain the center of the Operating Room and shine your light into the darkness of Connor's body. Illuminate the spots that need fixing so that there will be no mistaking what needs to be done to give Connor a better chance at a healthy and whole life. We ask for your life-giving breath to rest upon Little Bug as he goes through this battle with courage and bravery. You are a GOOD GOD and we thank you in advance for what you WILL DO today!!! Amen.

Lovebug Hugs,
Lori

1st Word From the Operating Room....

We just received our first pager call from the operating room. Connor has done well with receiving the sedation required for the operation. They placed one arterial line to constantly check his blood pressure and they place another perifial line to give him meds throughout the procedure. They started the robotic portion of the surgery at about 10:30am and he seems to be tolerating everything just fine. The nurses took our camera into the OR so they said they are getting lots of pics for us of this very new-fangled procedure. We are anticipating another update around noon or so. Keep the prayers up for Little Bug and Dr. Kim. We are hopeful for excellent results for Connor!!!

Dear Lord, Please direct the hands of Dr. Kim and this mechanical robot. We know that you are the author of all good things and all new things, as well. Please spare Connor from any complications and give him perfect peace as he undergoes this surgery. Give us your peace, your hope and your love to make it through these hours of waiting. Amen!!

Lovebug Hugs,
Randy & Lori

Surgery number 6 started at 0810 !!!!

Well its that time again, surgery #6 started at 0810. Lori and I made that familiar walk down the long hallway to surgery, kissed our Littlebug, then off he went to the brightly lite OR. So please say a prayer today for our boy. We'll keep you posted today as words come in. It should take about 5 hours + or -???

Lovebug hugs.......Randy and Lori

Just talked to the Doc

Hello everyone in blogger land....Dad here. Just had a nice long talk with the Doc for Littlebugs surgery tomorrow. Dr. Kim will be the surgeon to repair the Nisan wrap and to close up the hiatle hernia. We talked for almost an hour and yes I am a little concerned but at this point it is basically a necessary procedure and our hope and prayer is that it will rid our Littlebug of those terrible episodes he's had.

Surgery starts tomorrow at approximately 8am so be sure to say a prayer for our Littlebug as you go about your day. Dr. Kim will be using a robotic helper machine called a Da Vinci which is a new fangled device like laproscopy but better with articulating joints almost like human hands on the end of a small stick! The incisions will be small with this device so the healing time will be reduced considerably! But if there is complications they may have to open him up through a rather large abdominal incision. So again keep up those prayers...not only for Littlebug but for Dr. Kim and the whole surgical team to have wisdom, steady hands and especially Lord's guiding hands!

Lovebug hugs....Dad

ps: thanks for all your prayer for Lori. She's feeling better and on her way to the hospital right now!

That garden hose is back in again!!!!!

Unfortunately they had to put that garden hose back in.....

So they keep him pretty sedated....so sleep on Littlebug and hopefully we'll all be home soon...AGAIN! This time to stay!!!!

Lovebug hugs.....Dad Mom and Littlebug

ps sorry this is such a fast post but I'm meeting the doc's for tomorrow's surgery....I'll post later.

Daddy's At The Hospital...

While I am still getting over whatever stripped me of my energy, Randy is at the hospital with Little Bug. When I talked with him yesterday evening, he said that there was really no change in Connor. He is in a very controlled environment with his sedation and pain medication so he doesn't really even wake up. It's awfully hard to watch him this way. Randy is anxiously waiting to talk with the docs this morning and find out more about surgery. It looks like they have put him on the surgery schedule for Tuesday morning, the first case of the day. This could mean he will go into the OR any time between 8am and Noon. We'll post more when we have details.

I am feeling better today, just a lingering headache!!!! I plan on joining Randy at the hospital later this afternoon. By the way, many of you have asked how Randy's flying test went last week.....Well, as predicted, he passed with "flying colors"!!! He is awaiting word on his next trip overseas, which could be this week.

Lovebug Hugs,
Lori

Home Sick....

Little Bug remains stable while still on the breathing tube and an awful lot of sedation. He hasn't been awake at all in the past couple of days and that is the plan until he goes in for surgery next week. I am home with the stomach flu the past 2 days and feeling pretty lousy. I am hoping to feel stronger tomorrow and get back to the hospital. We have numerous conversations throughout the day with Connor's nurses and he seems to be doing fairly well, considering all that is going on in his little body right now.

I know you've all been wanting an update and I wish I had more to report, but we are sort of floating along until surgery day. We will update more tomorrow after we spend time with Little Bug.

All our Lovebug Hugs,
Lori

Events of the day....

Morning came early again when our pager went off before 6:00am. We quickly got to the phone and spoke with Dr. Badden and he informed us that Connor had had a pretty fretful night. He lost his IV access and they had to put another IV in his head. His breathing was pretty rapid as well in the early morning hours and he dropped his oxygen level down into the 20's. They found on X-ray early this morning that his right lung had collapsed and it was then that they made the decision to put the breathing tube in and give him a break. He is now on the ventulator and completely sedated. They had to send him into Interventional Radiology today as well to have a PIC line inserted. This is basically a central line for all of his iv's and medicine and additional fluids, if required.

Once again, Little Bug is one sick little guy. He needs our continued prayers for his healing. We should find out either tomorrow or Monday when he will be scheduled for surgery. Sorry for the quick post of just the facts, but quite frankly, it's all I have in me at the moment. Thanks for all your encouragement and love!!!!

Lovebug Hugs,
Randy, Lori and Little Bug

Operating Room....Here We Come Again!!! AUGH!

As Randy reported earlier today, Connor's heart rate had come down significantly in the morning and mid-morning hours. It has, however, risen again with his level of distress. We've been meeting with the lung specialist's and the GI specialists and the gerneral surgery team and the cardiac team the past couple of days and the bottom line is this.....it looks like we're headed back to the OR. The general surgeon believes that the hiatal hernia that Connor has is defined enough to be causing him distress so they would like to get that fixed. They also have known, for months now, that the Nissen Fundoplacation that he had done has failed by 50%. They would also like to re-do the wrap on that to see if it will relieve any of Connor's "suspected" reflux. The surgeon mentioned that they will not be able to do this one laproscopically because they will not be able to see as much that way. What will end up happening is they will extend his open heart surgery scar at the bottom of his sternum and continue it all the way past his belly button. Once they have him opened up they feel that they will be able to get a better picture of what is going wrong with his basic anatomy and hopefully be able to fix and repair the problems they find.

To be quite honest, I am glad that there is a plan in place, but we are also aware that it is not a for sure fix of anything. It could very well be a shot in the dark. We certainly hope that it will provide Connor with the relief that he needs, but I think we'll believe it when we see it. Connor also has to get well enough to even go in to the OR. Today they put him on an antibiotic that they hope will begin to kill whatever is attacking his lungs and airway.

We tried him off the c-pap for about 30 seconds today and he simply cannot handle it. He immediately became agitated and dropped his oxygen dramatically. They are continuing to sedate him because once he wakes up, he is fighting to get that c-pap off his face and he has a very difficult time getting settled down. My oh my it is difficult to see Little Bug in such a state once again. We had so hoped these days were behind us, but we know now that this is the way things are going to be until we can get to the bottom of it. We are frustrated and tired, yet hoping and trusting for the very best for Connor. We came home tonight to regroup and get some rest. I will head back to the hospital tomorrow morning and I pray that my outlook and perspective will resemble something more positive than it has been the past couple of days.

Dear Lord, Please cradle our sweet Little Bug this evening when we are so far away. May he hear your sweet voice beckoning him closer to your heart. May the angels sing to him and keep him company in his sleep. May your strong, healing hands cover each area of discomfort and bring him healing and peace. Surround his room with the gentle wind of your spirit and may all who enter be blessed by our fearfully and wonderfully made little boy. We thank you for our son, he is a gift from you and we cherish him with all of our hearts. Please take away his pain and let him be the little boy he so desparately wants to be.....happy & healthy and living at home. If it be your will dear Lord, please grant our requests and heal our son!! Amen.

Lovebug Hugs,
Lori

Yep....its back to the "elephant nose" again!

Well "Littlebug" missed Children's Hospital so much he just had to come back and try out his favorite toy.....yes...the infamous "elephant nose"!!!! But earlier this morning his high heart rate finally broke. His stats are looking much better now...heart rate 117!!! Yippie...Daddy and Mommy feel much better now!!! We'll try to keep you posted as much as possible.

Lovebug Hugs.....Mom Dad and Littlebug

Early Morning!!!

Morning came early today as I awakened to the sound of the telephone ringing at 5:45am in my sleeping room. Sure enough, Little Bug was in significant distress and the respitory team was making the preparations to put the breathing tube in. After talking with the doctor on the phone they decided to give Connor a chance to settle down instead of making a rash decision. After I arrived in his room, he calmed down a bit and he squeaked by, once again, not getting the breathing tube inserted. He is skating a very fine line. His X-rays are showing a bit of haziness on the right side, which could possibly be a bacterial pnemonia. They aren't committing to anything yet, but that is what they suspect. He is quite puffy today and breathing really fast. I am waiting to talk with the docs after rounds to see what the plan is going to be for Little Bug.

I will update more once I have information. Please say a prayer for Randy today as he is at the squadron doing a check ride on the C-17. He takes off at 11:00am and will be up in the air for about 4 hours. He has studied and prepared properly so I know he'll pass with "flying colors" HA HA!!!! Go get 'em honey.....Show 'em what you're made of!!!! Little Bug and I are praying for you to do great!!!!

Lovebug Hugs,
Lori

What happened to our Littlebug!!!!?????

Lori and I just walked into Littlebugs ICU room and we were both amazed and worried!!!! This is not the little boy we had in our home 2 days ago! It's as though he can hardly breath! So bad that they are contemplating putting him back on the ventilator...AUGH!! He's on the C-pap now but that doesn't seem to be doing the trick...... we don't know what's up? So please pray for our "Littlebug" and for the doctors to have wisdom to solve whatever this is?

Lovebug hugs.....Daddy Mommy and Littlebug

Following a pattern.......

Well, I am sad to report that Saturday Connor ended up back at Children's Hospital. He seems to be following a pattern. He has been in-patient at Children's for the first day of Spring, the first day of Summer and now the first day of Fall. What frustration we feel as we see him lying there once again in distress. After many days of struggles I took him into the pediatrician's office early Saturday morning because he was breathing really fast and his color looked horrible. Sure enough everything was elevated and his oxygen levels were in the mid 50's. They sent him by ambulance to the ER at Children's and I had to follow by car. This was the first time that I was separated from Connor during the hectic transport. What a long trip that was up to Seattle and on top of everything I got stuck in horrible traffic. He is now in the ICU once again, and they are running all kinds of tests to see if this is a respitory illness or if something else is going wrong.

We would ask for your continued prayers for Little Bug as he struggles along this next leg of the journey. Please pray for our strength and endurance as well. This life of hospital living is really taking a toll on us. Thanks for all your encouragement and support.

Lovebug Hugs,
Randy, Lori and Little Bug (oh yeah....wee itty bitty bug too!!)

PS ~ During all the hectic moments with Connor, we did manage to finally get to the doctor and get an ultrasound of the new baby. We are officially 12 weeks along and baby is very active. Due date should be right around the 7th of April.

Sorry folks I've been busy exercising!!

OK OK....I know I've got to get on Mommy and Daddy to blog more often but they've been very busy and so have I.....excercising that is!!! They call this "tummy time" and I love it, see how I can hold my head up. I guess I got kinda weak spending so much time in the hospital flat on my back! But don't worry about me cause Mommy and Daddy are on the rampage about getting me up to speed...nautilus equipment here we come!!!! AUGH!!!!
whew..... finally a break...... its so nice to have visitors....like my Aunt Kathy J....she reads books to me and loves on me so much, I think I like that better than all that excercise stuff!!!! Aunt Kathy can you come to visit me again...like TODAY????

.....well you can guess what just happened .....Aunt Kathy just left and Poppa got a hold of me!!! So it's back to workin on the neck thing again...why cant' we just work on "ice cream scooping" instead????? My Daddy gets these hair brain ideas all the time and this is one of his new contraptions but I guess its working so way ta go Pop!!! ...but can ya start the movie now!!!!!!

Lovebug hugs.....Littlebug

oh yeah...Mommy and Daddy said HI too!!!!

Please read post below first...then listen!! Thanks

Music speaks to my heart.....

The other day when my mom was here, I ran out of the house to do a quick errand. She had me take her car since it was already out of the garage. When I got in, I immediately turned on the CD player to see what she had in her car. I was surprised to hear some of our favorite worship songs from Don Moen, who does CD's for Integrity Hosanna music. As I listened, I cried and cried and cried. Today when my mom left early this morning, I asked her if I could borrow the cd for a while. I plugged the cd into my kitchen player earlier today and I let it play over and over again. I want to share with you a song that has been speaking to me and touching my heart. As you all know, my weariness and frustration with Little Bug's situation has grown significantly over the past couple of weeks. I grow so tired of trusting God for answers, only to be smacked in the face with nothing. Many of you may think, "How can she still trust God?" Well, to answer that question in short, I not only believe in God, I believe God!!!! I believe that God can and will do what He promises. I believe God to heal our son and I believe God to see me through this challenging time. Is it easy? NO!!!! Do I think about throwing in the towel? You bet I do!! Do I turn my back on God? NO!!!!!!! I have learned in my short 36 years of life that God doesn't always answer our prayers the way we want or expect Him to. Does that mean we stop praying and asking God to do what only He can do? NO WAY. The song you are going to hear just above this post (under audio post) says it clearly....." I don't know what to say and I don't know where to start. But as you give the grace, with all that's in my heart....I will sing! I will pray! Even in my darkest hour, through the sorrow and the pain. I will sing! I will pray! Lift my hands to honor You, because Your word is true. I will sing!"

"Lord, I lift this song to you as a prayer. Accept my cry and move on Connor's behalf. We trust you for a miracle for Little Bug and we trust you for an infusion of hope. We are pressed on every side dear Lord. Give us grace in this process that seems so lonely at the moment and touch our hearts with your peace. Amen"

I hope this song ministers to you as much as it is ministering to me!!!

Lovebug Hugs,
Lori

PS ~ Sorry the song is kind of garbbled......I tried my best!!!

Missing my babies!!!!!!!

I know..I know...I've used this picture before but I miss my babies so much and it reminds me how much I can't wait to get home!!!.....SOON I HOPE???? I'm still at Spangdahlam AB in Germany waiting for a mission to be assigned...and I sure do hope its westbound!!!!!!

I'm sure all of you read Lori's previous post....our "Littlebug" isn't doing so good right now. Lori and I talked last night about his condition and how it's taking quite a toll on Lori right now. He has this terrible stomach/gastro/pooping/gaging/coughing/pain...."thing"...that we, nor the doc's can figure out?????? It's a horrible thing to watch him go through, you would think he's on the brink of choking to death....then out of the blue it clears up....until the next time, and unfortunately the 'next time"....is getting to be more often. I pray and I hope you will all join me in not only prayer for Connor's condition but for Lori's strength....Thanks

Missing my babies from the other side of the earth......Randy (Hubby and Dad)

Honesty.....

How I wish I could report that things are just so wonderful and that we've been having so much fun that we didn't have time to post. Quite honestly, things aren't the best. Yes, Little Bug's surgery recovery is going as well as can be expected. However, Connor has many complicating issues that remain extremely frustrating!! Randy left for a trip overseas and we have been struggling ever since. Thankfully, I knew my limitations and on Saturday night, after 2 straight days of crying, I called in the reinforcements. My mom came on Saturday night and has been helping out with Connor. She will go home early Wednesday morning and we will miss her. Connor got a good report last Thursday from his cardiologist and he took him off of a couple of meds. We were initially grateful for the downgrade, but it has be horrible ever since. Today I took him in to the pediatrician's office and he said that Connor looked more like he did before surgery with his behaviors and symptoms than he did after surgery. What great frustration we face!!!! The crying is constant and the pain is so evident for Connor. No one can get to the bottom of the problem and I'm beginning to wonder if this will be a lifelong struggle. As much as I want to believe all of your sweet comments that Connor looks so great and you're all so happy that we're doing so well....things aren't great!!! Randy always teases me that when people ask him how we're doing, he says GREAT!! And then when people ask me how we're doing they get more details....I like to say that I just tell the truth. I really don't want to paint a beautiful picture, because life isn't beautiful right now. Don't get me wrong, we love being at home and we love not being at the hospital, but we HATE that Connor is still struggling!!!! We go to appointment after appointment and we get no answers and we constantly go home with a sick baby. Oh how I long for the days so see Connor wake up and giggle and not cry. How I long for him to play and explore and not be in pain. For the moment these things are not our reality. Our reality is one of confusion as we wonder how to help our precious son.

Sorry I don't have any photos to post, but quite frankly, there haven't been many happy moments to grab the camera and capture!!!

As for my toe........I think that Randy has over-exaggerated a little. When we ended up in the ER it was BAD!!! But now, things are much better and the toe is healing just fine. To be honest (since that seems to be the theme of this post) for the past 6 or 7 months I have been dealing with a pretty bad ingrown toenail. As many moms, I put it off and put it off because of our circumstances at the hospital. When all things culminated the day of Connor's surgery, it just couldn't be put off any more!!! It had swollen twice the size and I could hardly walk. I know, I know, my own fault for putting it off, but now things are on the mend. Thanks for all your concern and believe me, I'm also glad they didn't have to amputate!!!! HA HA

Praying for new perspective and a fresh wind of hope for our little family!!!
Lovebug Hugs,
Lori

Awwww...Home at last !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh its so nice being at home with Mommy and Daddy and as you can see Dad likes to read me stories. And when I get tired....


I get to hang out with my puppy dog...Abbey...she makes a nice pillow too :-)


Dad just couldn't take it anymore he had to jump in and play too! See how happy I am now!


Uh Oh here goes Dad again...more excercises...boy you'd think he was a military guy or something.....Oh oops....no wonder....he is!!!! I can see it now...mandatory PT at 0500!!! AUGH...sombody save me!!!!


Enough of that excercise stuff its off to camping..Yippie! And how convient...right in our front yard.....and if this tent isn't big enough.....


...then its off to Grammy and Gramps motorhome....only 15 feet away....talk about an easy trip! Well its Labor Day so I better be off to "labor amongst my toys"......


.....here I am...can ya see me.....yes I really am in all this. Mommy and Daddy keep saying "I'm so deprived".....I hope they aren't kidding so maybe I can get more toys!



See here I am....I love all my neat toys and I just want to thank all of you for giving me these fun toys......

Lovebug hugs
Littlebug.....oh and Mommy and Daddy too....oh and can't forget Abbey!

Last day at Children's....going home!!!!

Dad working on Littlebugs neck control......I'm coming along Daddy....if you lived in a hospital bed as long as I have you'd be sore too!!!!

Ok Dad enough neck control work....just give me a big hug!

Ok it's Mommy's turn...she likes hugs too.....Hey how do you like my new mittens? Those are so I don't pull out that PH probe tube in my nose. Only 1 more hour and I get it out...Yeah!!! And then I get to go home with Mommy and Daddy!!!!!! YIPPIE!!!!!!!!

Mommy and Daddy signing the discharge papers so we can get outta here....we are getting closer!But it wouldn't be right not to stop and thank the Lord for all the answered prayers and especially for helping me through this big surgery...Thanks God for my new heart!

Look there it is the "exit sign"....boy I've waited a long time to see that sign!

....here we go...on our way home!!!!!!!!!!!! I love home!

Lovebug hugs....Littlebug at HOME!!!!

Daddy's photo gallery

Mommy holding littlebug....and as you can see not to many wires and tubes...YippieOk now its Daddy's turn...isn't he the most hansome little guy you've ever seen...Ok OK ...Daddy might be a little biased. Daddy's holds Littlebug so.....
Mama can take a break!Thanks Grams for the over night visit to allow Mom and Dad to go out to dinner and re-cage our gyro's!....that again is pilot lingo for getting our attitude straight and level and figuring out where we are going!!!
Auntie Heather stops by for visit.....Littlebug loves all this attention!!!

Lovebug hugs....Dad Mom and Littlebug

More of Dad's pictures!

28 Aug 2006....very proud parents of our Littlebug. Moving to the floor only 5 day's after open heart surgery. Connor proved himself to be quite a little figher!

.....we arrive at our new room on the 4th floor. No more ICU and those big needles!! Yippie

Mommy and Daddy setting up our new home...with a view no less!!!!

.....Ok maybe a little too quick on the draw.....but at least it's not pokes just prods...another EKG....and the ticker looks good!!!!

I caught Littlebug this morning hugging one of his many friends.......

......but he really likes to talk to Mr. Bee. And I don't know if you've recognized what Littlebug is doing????....but he is laying on his tummy and doing just fine!!!! Our littebug is doing great and he wanted me to personally thank each and every one of you for your prayers. Herman told him that God said he heard them all!!!!!

Lovebug Hugs......Daddy Mommy and Littlebug!

Littlebug's talk with Daddy

Littlebug was telling me that he'd be real good if I could get him out of ICU cause he's been getting tired of all those pokes OUCH.....so Daddy being such a softy said OK......not much later and we were there!!!! Yippie!!!!! One step closer to home!!!

Lovebug hugs.....Randy Lori and Littlebug

ps....Lori's toe has been spared....amputation is no longer required....headache, well that's another story.

ps#2...I know Lori said in her post I'd send some more pic's.....and I will but.....oops they are still on the memory stick...so be patient OK

On the Floor.......

Hi everyone, Mama here!!! I jsut spent the past 1/2 hour catching up on all of Randy's GREAT blogs!!!! What a blessing it was to spend 2 whole nights at home. As always, my heart and mind are always with my guys, but at least my head was on my own pillow (which was nice becasue I battled a gigantic migrane the majority of my time at home.) I came back yesterday just in time to make the big move out of the ICU and onto the floor. Littlebug has a nice big, bright room all to himself and he seems to like it alot!!! His heart function is doing really well and he is starting to be ready to ween off the oxygen. We are still troubled by the many issues that seem to surround Connor's unique situation. We have many consults to be done with the lung docs, the GI docs, and the general surgeons. How we had hoped that some of these issues would resolve once his heart was fixed. Well, there is still major room for God to do more miracles in his little body and give him relief from his pain. "Lord, we extol you with great praise and thanks for what you have done. We pray for Connor that you would not turn a deaf ear to his pain and that you would find miraculous means to intervene in his situation. He is yours Dear Lord, and we ask you to continue working on his behalf to bring him to complete wholeness!! Amen"

Back to my boys.......Randy is going to post pictures later today!! Thanks honey, for the much needed break and for all your great posts. You've held down the fort well and I am forever grateful to have the best husband in the whole wide world!!! I love you sweetheart!!!! (Sorry bloggers for the mushy sentiment, but some things just have to be said!!!!)

Lovebug Hugs,
Lori, Randy & Littlebug!!!

PS ~ The toe is hanging in there......Not perfect, but not horrible either!!! Thanks for your prayers!!!

It looks like the floor tomorrow!!!!!!!

Ok Dad has to make this a fast one.....Talked with the doc's this morning and it looks like we may be going to the floor tomorrow!!! Littlebug is doing very well!!! Lines and tubes are being pulled out at as fast as I can say "can we get rid of that one too"...so now you can see our little boy....no more "birds nest" of wires, tubes, probes and monitors burying him!!! Yeah!!! More to follow and I got some great pictures to share...so stay tuned.

Lovebug hugs....Randy Lori and Littlebug!