Thursday, May 17, 2007

Dear God........

Dear God, I'm growing up so fast....Please help me to stay little so I can get snuggled and cuddled forever!!!!!! Amen

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Mother's Day!!!

For those of you who have followed our blog from the beginning, you will remember that last year I started a tradition of writing a letter to our children on Mother's Day!! After all, this day is a day to honor the heart and spirit of a Mother and my heart and spirit are captivated by our children. So this year, instead of writing to Little Bug only I will be writing to both our kiddos.

My dear sweet children, Connor & Mackenzie,
Today is Mother's Day and I feel so blessed and called of God to be your Mama!! There isn't a single job on earth I could take that would fulfill the longings deep within my soul to be your mother. I remember many years ago when I did not have children and how I would long for the sounds, smells & cuddles of little ones. I would dream of what it would be like to scoop you up in my arms and calm your fears and settle your worried hearts. I would wonder if your eyes would be just like mine or if you would have your Daddy's eyes. I would hope that your eyes would look deep within mine during the wee hours of night and find rest and solitude and safety. Now I know the true depths of all of those feelings. I know the truth of a Mother's love and I know that I would scale the tallest mountain to save you from hurting or plunge to the lowest depth to wipe your tears.

I have realized something about myself by being a mother. I have learned that, for me, life would be void of meaning if you were not in it. You both have become my sun and my moon, my true north!!! You guide me and you challenge me and you can't even talk yet!!! I see the way you look at me and I know that you are seeking direction and guidance from me. Some days, that is a very heavy load to bear. I feel tired at times and I want to fall into a deep sleep, but then I realize that you will need me in just moments and I have to put off what I want to give you what you need. Notice I didn't say what you want, I said what you need. I am striving to provide you all of the things that you need to grow and to learn and to flourish in our beautiful world. You both are so little right now, and I am very aware that you will not stay this way for long. I want you to know that I am truly enjoying the "baby days" that we are experiencing. Our "baby days" are so fun. I see smiles and I hear giggles. I sense that you trust me to be a good Mama and to help you grow big and strong. I know we have our days where there is more crying than smiles and there are more poopy diapers than "clean" ones. But hey, that's what I signed up for and every day is an adventure being your Mom.

There is something that you both need to know. Before you both were born your Daddy and Mama had great adventures together. We traveled and we saw the world. It was so fun and we are so glad that we took the first year of our married life to do that because life is much different now that you both occupy our time. But don't ever think that we won't have adventures with you because we have big plans for fun times together. We can't wait for you both to get bigger so that we can experience the world together. And by the way, I know I tell you both all the time when we sit and snuggle, but it bears repeating.......I am soooooooooooooo in love with your Daddy. He is the light of my life and the great love of my life. I will forever tell you the story of our love and I will forever love your Daddy with all of my heart. I realize that one of the greatest ways to teach you about love is to show you. So, I want you to always feel secure that Daddy and Mama love each other with their whole hearts and we will ALWAYS be together and be an example of true commitment and true love.

You both bring different things into my life. Connor, you have taught me how to pray in a deeper way than I have ever known. You are my miracle child and I thank God for our journey with you. I am so proud of you and the fight that you have within you. You have been an inspiration to the world and you don't even know it yet. I pray for you every day that you will be a mighty man of God and you are definitely showing me that my prayers are being answered. I appreciate your gentle character and your gentle touch! Our snuggle time and Mama and Little Bug "make out" time are the most precious parts of my day. Oh how I love your kisses!!! You have taught me how to laugh louder and heartier than I have ever laughed. I love the way you look at me and click that little jaw of yours.....It's sooooo cute. You're learning to wave now and I think it's adorable to watch you clinch your little hand back and forth. You have brought depth into my life as well. You have taught me about faith and how to trust without limits. I am forever thankful for your beautiful touch upon my life. I love being your Mama Little Bug!!!!

Mackenzie, you are the newest addition to the family and tomorrow you will be 6 weeks old. How fast time is already passing as I watch you grow and mature. You are so different than your big brother. You have your own time schedule (as we learned when you were born!!!) and you let us know if we are late with anything you need. You have brought an incredible sense of beauty into my life. I look at you and you are so gorgeous. I melt at the very sight of you. I want to say, "She looks just like me", but to be honest you look just like you. You are my Little Sweet Pea and you bring me great joy just watching the way you are beginning to explore the world. I can't wait to teach you the ways of being a "little girl" and then one day the ways of being a "woman". You have a tender grace about you that is really hard to describe. I sense gentleness in your touch and I know that you love me. You also have "spirit", and Little Sweet Pea, you just can't get by in life without some of that!!!! I can tell you are always going to let your Daddy and me know what you feel about things and why. This is a good trait and don't let anyone tell you differently. I will teach you how to express your strong opinions with respect and with humbleness. You are my second born, but my first little girl. I love the connection we share as Mother and Daughter. How I pray that with each passing year that connection will only grow and flourish into something more beautiful than I ever dreamed. I love being your Mama Little Sweet Pea!!!

I've been a Mom now for 16 months and in those months I have learned many practical lessons.
1. Never neglect snuggle time with my kids.....even if it's 3am!!!
2. Don't rush.....the more I rush, the later I become (especially on Sunday mornings!!!)
3. Pray every day.....sometimes more than once for patience and more hours in the day!!!
4. Play...Play...Play!!!!! Never forget to play with my kids, they are only young once!!
5. Buy batteries in bulk!!!!! Every toy we own requires batteries, so save a buck and buy them at Costco!!!
6. Bedtime is hectic, just embrace it!!!!
7. The sounds of my baby's cry can do things to my body that I never thought possible...wear breast pads!!!! All you mother's will know what I mean....Sorry guys, I just had to be honest!!
8. Dinner time is always fussy time.....Get used to it, and get prepared!!!!
9. Life is no longer about me. Pick an outfit that will look good for at least 3 days and don't worry if someone sees you in it all three times!!! (This one's a tough lesson for me!!!)
10. Love Daddy all the time becuase he will be the one to rejuvinate me and make me feel like a woman!! I love you Randy for the all the ways you love me!!! I am blessed by your love!!
11. Finally.......LOVE!!!!! Love beyond limits and love beyond bounds. I only have one chance at mothering my little ones so no matter what the situation is, LOVE!!!!

I will never get these days back. I can never repeat a single minute of your lives so I must be cognoscente of my every move. How I love my life as a mother and how I love being your Mom, Connor and Mackenzie. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to stretch myself in every way possible and for making every step of the journey worthwhile. I am blessed in more ways than I can imagine and it's all because I am your Mama!!! So to both of you on this Mother's Day I renew my love for you and my commitment to caring for you in the most honorable and excellent ways possible.

Thank you for giving me a Happy Mother's Day!!