Friday, May 19, 2006

I have the best husband in the world!!!!!

Thanks honey, what great posts you did!!! I didn't even know that you swiped "littlebug" from Connor's room before you left. You are incredibly creative and I love you so much. I can't wait to see you and give you a great big hug and kiss. Sorry bloggers, I don't mean to be sappy, but I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO in love with my husband!!!!!!

Connor was able to get the breathing tube out this afternoon and he is doing fairly well supporting his breathing with the help of the c-pap!!! I was able to hold him for an hour this afternoon and it felt GREAT!!!!!! I can't wait to snuggle with both my boys soon!!!!

Lovebug Hugs,
Lori & Little Bug!!!

Daddy's on his way home!!!!!!!!

Look who is helping Daddy find his way over the north's littlebug hiding in my HUD!!!!!!!
.....Oh and now littlebug is telling Daddy to watch out for those nasty little green spots on the radar screen so I don't hit any thunderstorms......I thinks littlebug wants Daddy to get home soon!
Littlebug and Dad have flown all over the world together....Germany, Turkey, Iraq, Kuwait, Qatar, Greece, Spain......but Daddy is on his way home now and can't wait to get there!!!!
....see how determined he is.....with Littlebug near his heart all the way!!.....mach .76....but Littlebug keeps telling me to push it up Dad and get home....Ok goes... I'll push those throttles to the stop!

And when Daddy gets home.......

.......this is what he wants to do.....I miss you littlebug!

Love Dad

.....and you too Honey!!!!!


Sorry Honey this is so late but my plan was to post this on Mother's Day....but as fate would have it Al Udeid AB would not allow access to "blog" know that miltary stuff!!!!

But Littlebug and I just want you to know that we think you're the greatest!!!! And we love you soooooo much !!! Thanks for being the most fantastic Mommy and wife in the whole wide universe!!!!!

Love Dad & Littlebug

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Frustration Builds........

I can't begin to put into words the frustration that fills my soul this evening, so I will keep this entry very brief. Connor had an eventful afternoon in the interventional radiology department. He went in for the GI scope and they found a pallop (sp?) on his intestine. The took about 5 samples and they are doing a biopsy. There is no explanation of what or why!!!!!! They also advanced his G-tube into the small intestine in hopes that this will help the unidentified reflux. One of his past surgeons came in to speak with me and it does look like the Nissen procedure has failed by 50%. They can possibly go in and fix it, but it would be a much more difficult surgery since his lungs are so sick and he doesn't seem to be getting any better. All of that to say really nothing to tell you the truth. I feel like we are running in circles.

When Connor came back from IR he still had the breathing tube in and for whatever reason, he started having a difficult time and the respitory therapist, who wasn't paying very good attention I might add, and the doctor had to bag him with manual oxygen for a few minutes. He was completely blue and not breathing on his own. It seems like every day I go crazy with worry and I wonder if life will ever get better for us. Once again another scary moment in our life here in ICU!!! How I wish Little Bug could be a healthy boy.
Sorry for the bad attitude, but my frustrations are escalading!!! I hope to be better tomorrow.

Lovebug Hugs,

PS ~ Good news, I just got a call from Randy and they are back in the states and they will be home tomorrow......Praise the Lord, Daddy's Home!!!!!!

Frustration Builds........

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Long day......

I had hoped for decisions today, but "No Deal"!! Today was a long day of waiting to hear from the GI department to see how they want to proceed with Little Bug while he is still intibated. The consult with them was long and involved today and the word when they left the room was, "I'll be back shortly to let you know what we think." Finally at 7pm they called the nurse and said they would be in tomorrow morning. So, nothing new today. Connor remains on the breathing tube and sedated most of the time. This afternoon he had about a 1/2 hour where his eyes were open and he got to "flirt" with Mama a little. Oh how I love see those ocean blue eyes!!!!!

It was nice to see Uncle Loren & Aunt Kathy today. They were so sweet to stop by our home in Auburn and mow the lawn before Randy gets home. Kathy worked inside the house vacuuming and dusting too. We appreciate you guys so much for jumping in and helping us when we are not able to be at home right now. Loren we hope you enjoy a fun day out on the water with your new boat tomorrow, you deserve a little relaxation!!!! Thanks again, I love you guys!!!

Mom M. also came this afternoon on her way home from watching Connor's 3 Milliren cousins. We all had a great dinner of left overs together and a great visit. Thanks mom for being willing to fill your freezer with yet another deposit of breast milk. WOW.....we really have quite a collection going!!!!

Tomorrow will be a fresh day and another opportunity for God to intervene on Connor's behalf. We believe there is a miracle on the way for Little Bug and we anticipate with great joy the moving hand of God in our situation here at the hospital. As we unite our prayers tonight, let it be one of glory and praise because we do serve a mighty God!!!

Lovebug Hugs,

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Thankfully, negative MRI results....

Todays MRI in the radiology clinic.

Believe it or not, Little Bug is acutally the little bump on the table getting ready to go into the MRI machine.

Little Bug getting manual pumps of oxygen before his MRI.

Waiting for MRI

Just before going into the MRI....sleeping peacefully on the ventulator!!!

Yesterday just after coming back from the OR....I just hate to see that breathing tube on him so tight.

Yesterday on the way to the Upper GI test......Little Bug is so tired of going place to place and having different procedures!!! I don't blame you Little Bug, Mama's tired of it too!!!!

Yesterday morning before the procedures.......Little Bug on the C-pap machine with a few of his fuzzy bug friends.

Mama and Little Bug on Mother's Day night....He's pretty drugged up, but at least I got to hold him for an hour!
Snuggle time is my favorite time of day!!!

Go to sleep my little one
Go to sleep my baby
For the Lord watches over you tonight
Go to sleep my little one
Go to sleep my baby
You’re in the palm of His hand
You’re the apple of His eyes
Close your eyes, close your eyes
Mommy loves you
Close your eyes, close your eyes
I love you!!!!!

I am sitting in Connor’s room watching him sleeping and the above lullaby is what is playing in his crib. He looks so small when I glance up and see him in his big foam wedge that helps him with his reflux. His head is resting on his blankie and the breathing tube is securely tightened around his lips. His little legs are sprawled out because of his IV line in his groin and I realize in this moment how “not normal” life is for Little Bug. I realized it earlier today too when we sent him into the big tunnel for his MRI. I started to cry when I thought about other babies at home in their cribs or having tummy time or just plain snuggling with dad or mom. I understand in more of a clear way each day that we are no where near the end of our journey. There is still so much territory to cover and many more mountains to climb. Oh Lord, give me strength. Strength for each new road. Strength for every unanswered question. Strength for every new decision that must be made on Little Bug’s behalf.

Today Connor went in for his MRI. Praise the Lord, everything was “normal”. They found nothing abnormal in his brain nor did they find anything of significance with his clavicle bone (an issue that was prominent a few weeks ago). So……where do we go from here you ask? Tomorrow the GI docs will be making a decision regarding Connor’s G-tube. They feel that maybe he would benefit from it advancing to the small intestine so that he would reflux stomach contents, but they’re not convinced this will help. They may decide to take him off of his acid blockers for 3 days and then do a PH Scope to test the reflux and see if they can catch how bad it really is. All the while he remains on the ventilator and sedated. The dietician came in with more unsettling news today about Little Bug’s growth. Apparently, he has a malabsorbtion problem. He continues to poop out all the good fats. This may mean that he will have to be on predigested formula to grow. I am discouraged that this may mean he will not get back to mama’s milk. I spend so much of my time in the small pump room and each time I’m there I tell myself, “It’s ok Lori, at least you’re giving Connor a part of yourself that he really needs.” And now to think that this may be taken away too……Oh Lord, what’s next. Can’t you please let him be nourished by his mama????? We will know more on this within the week as they do more tests on his digestive tract. Today was also the first time I actually heard the ICU docs refer to Little Bug as "critically ill". WOW, that was a stop-in-your-tracks moment for me.

I must be honest; I am discouraged that we have not seen the answers that we are looking for. But, I am reminded that when Joshua fought the battle of Jericho, they had to march around the walls of the city 7 times. So, we will continue to march, we will continue to blow the trumpet and beg of the Lord to move on our behalf.

Lovebug Hugs,

Monday, May 15, 2006

Keep Praying!!!!!!!

I want to thank the army of God for continuing to pray on Little Bug's behalf. Today lended a small bit of info, but not enough to be conclusive. When Connor went in for his first procedure, they were able to see that his tummy surgery, the Nissen, has slipped and isn't working as it should. They couldn't conclude from what they saw that it is reflux, but all roads lead to that destination. They have suggested a nuclear medicine test that will most likely, be done tomorrow. Connor also needed to go into the OR again today to receive a central IV access line. The docs felt that not having IV access to him when he goes into his episodes was dangerous and so they felt that this was the right decision. I must say that the central line makes me nervous because it is a real place for infections to grow. However, I must trust that our prayers for wisdom are being answered and the docs do know best. When We kissed Little Bug goodbye at the entrance to the OR my heart already ached for his return. After about an hour and a half they called and said they were able to get the line, but they did have to put the ventulator back in. Because of Connor's poor respitory status they had to put the breathing tube in for additional support. Since he will remain intibated for a couple of days, the docs have suggested that we go ahead and do the MRI and CT scan that have been talked about for a while. Once again, I have to trust that this is an answer to all of our prayers and that wisdom is being exhibited on the side of the docs. Our prayer is that tomorrow will be another day of fresh wind and clear revelation for a plan for Little Bug.

Oh, by the way, Herman jumped out from underneath Little Bug's blanket this evening and he told me that Connor was a very brave boy in the OR. He said there was singing and peace that filled the room when I was absent from him. Oh how glad I am that Herman is a constant presence with Little Bug.

Thank you again for your prayers. Keep praying for more answers to come our way!!!!!

Lovebug Hugs,

PS ~ Thanks for coming today Mom R. It was nice to have your company during the many hours of waiting.

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Day of Prayer for Little Bug!!!!!!

Sweet Little Bug sleeping peacefully a week ago.

The time has come to officially call for a day of prayer for Little Bug. Would you please join with us and the whole blogging family tomorrow, May 15th for a full day of prayer? It is going to be a big day for Connor on Monday. He is scheduled for 3 different procedures and after that the doctor's will be compiling information and hopefully coming up with some answers. Tomorrow, I believe, will be a day for wisdom to be unleashed on this hospital staff in regards to Connor's health. Beginning at 8am and continuing for 24 hours let us pray, pray, pray!!!! We will lay out a fleece before the Lord and ask him to intervene on Connor's behalf. I believe that with the whole army of God believing and praying in one accord, the strongholds of confusion and lack of direction will be broken.

It has been on the minds of many of you bloggers and family members for a while now, so let tomorrow be the day that the Spirit of God will fall upon this situation with Connor and a fresh healing wind would blow through this place. Please read the comments in this section and look for specific prayer directions from Auntie Maureen. Thank you Maureen for feeling the burden to place specific direction into our prayer time. If the Lord would call you to fast for Connor, please be willing to answer that call. We would love to know that you are praying and at what specific times you will be interceeding on your behalf. I know that the Lord will honor this 24 hour time period and I believe He will answer our cries for help. Thank you family of God for responding on your knees for Little Bug.

Lovebug Hugs,

A letter to my firstborn son on Mother's Day...

Mama & Little Bug snuggling on Saturday afternoon.

Mother's Day Morning......Oh Little Bug, you and your daddy are sooooo sneaky!!!

Mama & Little Bug kissin' away.......

Good Morning Son. Do you realize that today as I awoke to the morning light and a sky filled with sunshine, that my first thoughts were of you? My thoughts were filled with memories of the day you were born and how, in that instant, you gave me the greatest gift a woman could ever receive…the gift of Motherhood. On that day, January 11th, 2006 you bestowed upon me the title of mother and because of that I will have all the rights and privileges that other mothers have received for ages. The biggest privilege is celebrating Mother’s Day. A day that is set aside for children to honor their moms and to rise up and call them blessed!!

WOW, my first Mother’s Day!!! It seems like I’ve waited all my life to be a mom, and now that I am your mama I can’t even remember what life was like before you were born. I know I had a life that was full of adventures with your daddy and full of fun times with our wonderful family, but now I can’t recall what the days were like without you. I feel like I’ve been your mama forever. I feel like my heart has loved you for all of eternity and you are only 4 months old. What joy you bring to my heart Little Bug. How I wish I could spare you the pain that you are going through right now in this hospital. I want to scoop you up and take you home and teach you about life in the safety of our home with Daddy and Mama by your side.

I want to thank you Little Bug for teaching me about love. And to think that I thought I knew a lot about love, boy was I kidding myself. I must say that you have captured my heart in a way that not even your daddy can, and he love me a lot. You have a way of sneaking right under the skin of my heart and crawling into the most tender place in my beating chest and nestling your little heart right against mine. How I love to watch you and to see the twitching of your fingers and the way your hand grasps unto my fingers. You speak so loudly when you say nothing at all and my heart feels the depth of your silent message. It whispers to me, I love you Mama. And when I hear it, I melt from the inside out. I am delighted that I was the one hand picked by God to be your Mama.

I promise to protect you from all of the harm that tries to come your way. I promise to teach you about Jesus and how his love for you is never ending. I promise to give you every opportunity to grow in knowledge and to experience all that life has to offer you. I promise to love your daddy with all my heart so that you can learn about love in the sweetest and truest form. I promise to live my life as a woman who fears the Lord and who always seeks to honor Him in my actions. I promise to play games with you and giggle and laugh and tell imaginative stories at bedtime. I promise to tuck you in at night and wish upon the stars with you. I promise to buy you a fish at the fair when you walk past the tank and just can’t resist bringing Little Nemo home. I promise to eat ice cream until it melts all over our laps in the summer time. I promise to catch bugs with you and put them in glass jars for daddy to see. I promise to raise you up to be a big strong boy and a mighty man of God one day.

Little Bug, you do bring out the best in me and I love you with all of my heart. You bring me great joy and deep fulfillment. Oh the wonder of motherhood. It is already, at moments, too much for me to grasp, but I want you to know that today, on my 1st Mother’s Day I am feeling blessed to be your mom. Thanks for the snuggles yesterday during nap time. Thank you for my 1st Mother’s Day card and my gorgeous “Mom” pendant. I will wear it with pride. You tell your daddy that he is very sneaky to have arranged all the pictures and surprises on your bed with you this morning. Thanks honey, you made today extra special. Goodnight Little Bug, you are the son I have always wanted and I will love you forever and ever. It is with pride that I say I am your Mom.

Lovebug Hugs,