Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Please read post below first...then listen!! Thanks

this is an audio post - click to play

Music speaks to my heart.....

The other day when my mom was here, I ran out of the house to do a quick errand. She had me take her car since it was already out of the garage. When I got in, I immediately turned on the CD player to see what she had in her car. I was surprised to hear some of our favorite worship songs from Don Moen, who does CD's for Integrity Hosanna music. As I listened, I cried and cried and cried. Today when my mom left early this morning, I asked her if I could borrow the cd for a while. I plugged the cd into my kitchen player earlier today and I let it play over and over again. I want to share with you a song that has been speaking to me and touching my heart. As you all know, my weariness and frustration with Little Bug's situation has grown significantly over the past couple of weeks. I grow so tired of trusting God for answers, only to be smacked in the face with nothing. Many of you may think, "How can she still trust God?" Well, to answer that question in short, I not only believe in God, I believe God!!!! I believe that God can and will do what He promises. I believe God to heal our son and I believe God to see me through this challenging time. Is it easy? NO!!!! Do I think about throwing in the towel? You bet I do!! Do I turn my back on God? NO!!!!!!! I have learned in my short 36 years of life that God doesn't always answer our prayers the way we want or expect Him to. Does that mean we stop praying and asking God to do what only He can do? NO WAY. The song you are going to hear just above this post (under audio post) says it clearly....." I don't know what to say and I don't know where to start. But as you give the grace, with all that's in my heart....I will sing! I will pray! Even in my darkest hour, through the sorrow and the pain. I will sing! I will pray! Lift my hands to honor You, because Your word is true. I will sing!"

"Lord, I lift this song to you as a prayer. Accept my cry and move on Connor's behalf. We trust you for a miracle for Little Bug and we trust you for an infusion of hope. We are pressed on every side dear Lord. Give us grace in this process that seems so lonely at the moment and touch our hearts with your peace. Amen"

I hope this song ministers to you as much as it is ministering to me!!!

Lovebug Hugs,

PS ~ Sorry the song is kind of garbbled......I tried my best!!!

Missing my babies!!!!!!!

I know..I know...I've used this picture before but I miss my babies so much and it reminds me how much I can't wait to get home!!!.....SOON I HOPE???? I'm still at Spangdahlam AB in Germany waiting for a mission to be assigned...and I sure do hope its westbound!!!!!!

I'm sure all of you read Lori's previous post....our "Littlebug" isn't doing so good right now. Lori and I talked last night about his condition and how it's taking quite a toll on Lori right now. He has this terrible stomach/gastro/pooping/gaging/coughing/pain...."thing"...that we, nor the doc's can figure out?????? It's a horrible thing to watch him go through, you would think he's on the brink of choking to death....then out of the blue it clears up....until the next time, and unfortunately the 'next time" getting to be more often. I pray and I hope you will all join me in not only prayer for Connor's condition but for Lori's strength....Thanks

Missing my babies from the other side of the earth......Randy (Hubby and Dad)

Tuesday, September 12, 2006


How I wish I could report that things are just so wonderful and that we've been having so much fun that we didn't have time to post. Quite honestly, things aren't the best. Yes, Little Bug's surgery recovery is going as well as can be expected. However, Connor has many complicating issues that remain extremely frustrating!! Randy left for a trip overseas and we have been struggling ever since. Thankfully, I knew my limitations and on Saturday night, after 2 straight days of crying, I called in the reinforcements. My mom came on Saturday night and has been helping out with Connor. She will go home early Wednesday morning and we will miss her. Connor got a good report last Thursday from his cardiologist and he took him off of a couple of meds. We were initially grateful for the downgrade, but it has be horrible ever since. Today I took him in to the pediatrician's office and he said that Connor looked more like he did before surgery with his behaviors and symptoms than he did after surgery. What great frustration we face!!!! The crying is constant and the pain is so evident for Connor. No one can get to the bottom of the problem and I'm beginning to wonder if this will be a lifelong struggle. As much as I want to believe all of your sweet comments that Connor looks so great and you're all so happy that we're doing so well....things aren't great!!! Randy always teases me that when people ask him how we're doing, he says GREAT!! And then when people ask me how we're doing they get more details....I like to say that I just tell the truth. I really don't want to paint a beautiful picture, because life isn't beautiful right now. Don't get me wrong, we love being at home and we love not being at the hospital, but we HATE that Connor is still struggling!!!! We go to appointment after appointment and we get no answers and we constantly go home with a sick baby. Oh how I long for the days so see Connor wake up and giggle and not cry. How I long for him to play and explore and not be in pain. For the moment these things are not our reality. Our reality is one of confusion as we wonder how to help our precious son.

Sorry I don't have any photos to post, but quite frankly, there haven't been many happy moments to grab the camera and capture!!!

As for my toe........I think that Randy has over-exaggerated a little. When we ended up in the ER it was BAD!!! But now, things are much better and the toe is healing just fine. To be honest (since that seems to be the theme of this post) for the past 6 or 7 months I have been dealing with a pretty bad ingrown toenail. As many moms, I put it off and put it off because of our circumstances at the hospital. When all things culminated the day of Connor's surgery, it just couldn't be put off any more!!! It had swollen twice the size and I could hardly walk. I know, I know, my own fault for putting it off, but now things are on the mend. Thanks for all your concern and believe me, I'm also glad they didn't have to amputate!!!! HA HA

Praying for new perspective and a fresh wind of hope for our little family!!!
Lovebug Hugs,