Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Day at home......

Yesterday I was able to sneak home for a few hours. Randy was willing and eager to stay here at the hospital with little bug so I jumped in the car and headed toward Auburn. I picked up the mail from the post office and made the trek up to Lakeland Hills. Wow, a lot had changed around there. More houses being built, more stop signs with blinking lights (where did they come from??) and flowers blooming. I realized when I drove into our driveway just how much time I had lost being here at the hospital. I surveyed the front yard and saw remnants of daffodils and tulips that had once been in bloom. Our little tree that we babied along last year was full of new growth and our cherry blossom tree was already through its blooming course. Uuugghhh.....I missed it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! As the garage door lifted I had a pounding in my heart....part nervousness and part excitement to just be in our home, but as I walked through the doors it became evident that this wasn't the home I left. I left a warm and cozy, music filled home where laughter was plentiful and love abounded. When I walked in it was cold and dark and it didn't resemble the picture that was in my mind. I cried and cried and cried when my heart recognized the truth that home isn't home if your family isn't there. I could hardly walk up the stairs and pass by Little Bugs room without completely loosing it. So, I did what moms do. I did laundry, swished around the toilets, wiped out an empty refridgerator, went through the pile of mail and left.

Before leaving I was able to see the neighbors and visit our dog Abbey. She licked and licked and licked!!!! I guess I really do miss that dog!!! Thanks to the Foxes for so diligently watching Abbey and making her a part of your family. It was good to visit with Rhonda and the girls, Randy & Christine and our next door neighbor Dave. As hard as it was to be at "home", you guys made me feel like nothing had really changed.......THANKS!!!!

I also indulged in a much needed pedicure!!!!! Boy my toes were thankful for that unexpected surprise. Thanks Christine for blessing me with such a great surprise!!!! Once I made it back to the hospital, Little Bug was sleeping away!!! He had had a pretty good day with lots of sleeping. At about 10pm he completely freaked out again and the cycle began to repeat itself. He finally settled out after midnight and he has been sleeping off and on ever since. The docs are trying desperately to divise a new plan for Connor, but it isn't in place yet. Once again, I will keep you all posted on what is happening.

Lovebug Hugs,
Lori

14 comments:

Cousin Emma said...

Lori & Randy,

I lost my first tooth yesterday!!! I was eating a taco & it came right out & that day I wanted to loose my tooth and then it happened. I keep praying for Connor! Tell him I want to show him my new bikerack...haha!!! I love him. Emma.

P.S. my chicken pox are almost gone away.

Anonymous said...

It was so wonderful to see you yesterday!!!...my only regret is that I couldn't join you for a pedicure! It was my pleasure and if you know you are coming down again we will repeat that and do lunch. I insist.
We all want to help. ANYTHING to make this just a little easier.

We continue to pray for Connor, you and Randy and for the doctors to finally see what is going to help Connor find the right road to being a healthy, happy baby.

We love you guys.
Christine, Randy & Kids.

Anonymous said...

Lori,
Wow! My heart aches for you as I read about your visit to home. I believe that one day soon you will have the same feeling of "true home" in that place. I will continue to pray for direction and wisdom for the docs and the team. I am sooo glad that you have the strength of Randy with you now. You are very blessed to have such a strong and dedicated husband. As you know, this kind of stress of a sick child can take such a toll on a relationship but it sounds like you 2 are weathering the storm as a 1 flesh couple pretty well. I know it has to be tough at times but we know that God is the center for the both of you. You guys are such an awesome Godly example.

Love and prayers
Tammy

Anonymous said...

Wow Lori,
Thanks for being so real. Your trip home makes us all realize that home does mean family. We are praying desparately for you three to be home together soon! We will continue to pray for the doctors to figure this thing out and have concrete answers.

Love
Sue

Kristine and Abbie said...

Hello:) Just a quick note to let you know that Abbie and I continue to pray for Connor (and you and Randy) as you walk on this incredibly challenging journey.

I keep trying to put words to paper(o.k., computer) to express empathy and my belief that God is fully good and holds all three of you in the palm of His hand, and in the tenderest of his thoughts...but, truly I find the words trite and a bit empty when I am not walking the journey...so, just know that I pray, and that Abbie (who likes to "check on Connor") prays sweet prayers to our Lord in all of your behalf.

Kristine (for Abbie, too)

Debi said...

Lori,
I am glad you got that pedicure how fun...sounds like you have some great neighbors...that is special
Life can be such a roller coaster ride some days we climb high with lots of curves and other days we do lots of loops...we always have to hang on and remember God is always with us....
I pray that Little Bug had a good day along with his mommy and daddy...praying for peace and wisdom for the doctors...

Blessing
Debi

Aunt Teresa said...

I am at a loss for words tonite. I have written twice but it didn't sound right....!!! That is when it dawned on me. God doesn't want what sounds right, he wants US!!! I will pray tonight, tomorrow & every day until the three of you are at home in your music filled, love abounding, warm & cozy home. It will be a place of contenment again. That is my prayer. Amen.

WE LOVE YOU. Love & Prayers, Teresa

Connor, You are the cutest bug there ever was. I am needing a fill of holding you & looking at your sweet face. You must be one of God's direct angels from heaven because you have touched so many peoples lives & you don't even know it yet. Thank You Lord. Hugs & Kisses XoXoXo Auntie Teresa

Heather Bennett said...

Hi guys! I have to agree with Teresa's comments above. Sometimes, I just don't know how to put onto paper what is in my heart and sometimes there are just no words. PRAYER. That is all. I do pray for you SO OFTEN. Thank you Teresa for reminding me that those moments and words are so often left just between me and the Lord.
Lori & Randy, please don't think that I'm not thinking of you and praying for you just because you may not see words from me on this blog. I am praying for you all, Connor's healing, your strength, encouragement, wisdom and discernment. I know when I lift you to the Lord He will encourage you much more than even the words of a close friend.

By the way, I want to say PRAISE THE LORD for giving Mommy the wisdom and discernment to ask about withdrawel instead of seizures. God is faithful!

Love you all!
Heather

Candy Bennett said...

Good Morning Lori,

I just had to share with you something the Lord impressed upon my heart. I was awake as I often am in the middle of the night last evening and you were on my mind. My heart was crying over your inability to hold, cuddle, touch, caress, your child for more than a few moments at a time. We as mother's understand how important that "touching" is to not only our children but to us. Suddenly I felt God speak to my heart and I saw in my minds eye our Lord so beautifully holding Connor in his arms, caressing his tiny forehead, laying kisses on his brow, tickling his feet and blowing bubbles on his belly! I saw the Lord playing with Connor's tiny fingers as he wrapped them around one of God's. I could even hear the Lord whispering in Connor's ear and talking like we do in that strange baby language we always use! It was the most loving, gently, truly delightful scenes.

Lori, I believe with all my heart that Connor is honestly experiencing God's gentle attention - constant attention. God understands Connors need for closeness and He is close!

You are in my prayers!

Love, Candy

Anonymous said...

What color are your toes?

Little Bug's Mom said...

French......Classic and Beautiful!!!! Thanks for asking!!!

Brenda said...

Home is truly where the heart is... :-)So, for now, while you may have a building containing your earthly possesions that is a house, Children's is your home, where your heart is with Connor and Randy. But, what a great day that will be when you can go back to your house and it then becomes "home" again!

Lori: Thanks for sharing your heart so transparently on this site. I, in no way, can even pretend to understand the pain and frustrations you face daily, even hourly at times. However, I can (and do) pray that God continues to give you divine wisdom (Withdrawals!) and holds you in the palms of His hands, giving you peace and rest and assurance that there will be an end to this rollercoaster ride soon!

Love and blessings,
Brenda

Brenda said...

p.s...how 'bout a pic of those Frenchie toes? LOL!

Anonymous said...

Now that the toes are polished it's time for a date night!