Saturday, August 19, 2006

Struggles continue!!!

Connor continues to struggle. He is only sleeping for moments at a time and then he wakes up startled, coughing and gagging and screaming. His oxygen requirements have definately gone up and he is needing a lot more support then I had anticipated. His coloring is changing to a pretty constant sheen of dusky grey and when his oxygen is quite low, he is turning blue around his lips. It is so hard to see Connor this way. I am so thankful that my mom is here with me because this is certainly not a job for one person. Connor demands constant attention and it is exhausting. My prayer is that he can actually hold out until the surgery without having some kind of emergency. Connor needs a miracle. His body needs to find relief and rest and at the current moment, I don't see this in sight. Please continue praying.

Today is the funeral for our dear sweet friend Alanah. I was asked by the family to be a special speaker so I prepared the following words to be read at todays service. Please pray that God would give me strength to do this most difficult task!!!


Alanah Catherine Jewett
Celebration of Life
________________________________________________
The greatest gift that God could send
He sent with love to you.
A sweet and helpless little child
She was an obligation too.
Each baby that God gives to us, is merely lent awhile
To cherish, love, protect and guard, from every snare and wile.
To form within her childish heart, His image good and true.
God bless you baby Alanah and may you always know,
The blessings you brought to our lives, we forever now bestow.

It was 3 ½ months ago that the Jewett’s entered my life. We share the experience of a critically ill child, long days and endless nights in the ICU at Children’s Hospital and our faith and trust in God. The closeness shared between parents who have sick children is truly remarkable. We celebrate milestones together and we grieve losses heart to heart. Today we grieve the loss of one of God’s precious angels, Alanah Catherine Jewett. I remember the very 1st day I met Alanah and how I was struck with her gorgeous dark hair and her seemingly endless gaze. Her presence had a way of climbing straight into your heart and mine was no different. In my interactions with Alanah, it was her sweetness and grace that I will always treasure.

Alanah knew what every baby should know. She knew the love of her mother and she knew the strength of her father. She knew the giggles of her sisters Kaylin & Rosali when they would climb into her hospital crib. She knew the melody of the songs her grandma would sing to her while she cradled her. Alanah also knew things that most babies never know. She knew the look of an operating room and the sounds of monitor alarms. She knew the myriad of faces of the doctors & nurses that were responsible for her care (and I’m sure she had her favorites!) She knew the pain of needle pokes & IV’s and she knew the struggles of being a baby born with a major heart defect.

Although Alanah knew these things and was well acquainted with the discomforts of infant sickness, I believe that because of this she was also very familiar with the face of God. The face of God followed her into procedures and operating rooms when her parents could not. The face of God was etched upon her delicate eyelids as she lay in her crib sleeping. The face of God she knew so well from the very moment she was conceived within her mother’s womb. When Alanah left the arms of God to be born to her parents, I’m sure He smiled & winked at her before he delivered her into the ever-waiting arms of Corey and Shawna. I believe that her only instruction from the Lord was that she bring the joy and hope of heaven to all she came into contact with on earth. Well, Alanah followed those instructions perfectly. I can say as one who spent time with her that she opened up heaven to me each time I looked into her eyes. On Wednesday when Alanah left the arms of her parents and was once again entered into heaven, I believe the Lord held her close and with a tear of welcome in His eyes He said, “Job well done Alanah. You have brought My love into the world and the world will never be the same again.”

To Alanah’s parents, Corey & Shawna and to the entire family my prayer for you is this:
In your weakest moments, hold on to the fight that you witnessed time and time again in Alanah.
In your darkest hours, look to the light and glimmer that abounded in Alanah’s gaze.
In your hours of deepest grief, allow God’s grace to twinkle around your hearts just like Alanah twinkled each time you held her.
May the sweet and tender arms of Heaven embrace you with love, envelop you with peace and comfort you with all hope.
_____________________________________________
Please say extra prayers for my mom as she will be here with Connor by herself for about 3 hours while I am gone at the funeral. Pray for stability for Connor and clarity for mom!!!! Thanks for your faithfulness!!!

Lovebug Hugs,
Lori

12 comments:

Aleaha Gregor said...

we will keep praying over connor that he would be able to hold up with everything going on until the surgery and over the family if sweet little Alanah! our prayers are with you!

Michelle said...

I'm so sorry to hear that Connor is continuing to struggle. I pray his little body will find peace and rest until his surgery date and he won't need anymore trips back to the ER.

Praying for you today as you speak at this funeral; and praying for the family members of this sweet little girl who was called home to Heaven.

Auntie Heather Milliren said...

Lori, RaeAnn & Connor~

I am praying for you today, especially for a bit of relief for each of you. I imagine the exhaustion is pretty severe at this point. May the Lord give each of you strength for today and a reprieve from the intensity of Connor's struggles. I am also praying that you will be a continued encouragement to Alanah's family. I know that you are even on this sad day.

I love the three of you so very much,

Auntie Heather

P.S. Olivia and Bergen send their love to you, too.

Auntie Maureen said...

Lori,
You are beautiful. Your words are a gift from God Himself directed specifically to Shawna and Corey. This is just one more reason Connor has spent time at Childrens...so that you, my dear sister, could minister to people who need God's touch. This road is not the road you dreamed of traveling with your Bug but all we can do is trust in God that He knows what's best. Trust Him.
Today we pray for strength for you Lori and RaeAnn. We pray for a miracle for Connor.
I love you all,
Maureen

sara and susanne bradley, max's mom said...

Lori,
As I was reading the comment from Maureen, something I just read came to mind. This is from "GOD: As He Longs for You to See Him" by Chip Ingram. "The wisdom of God tells us that God will bring about the best possible results, by the best possible means, for the most possible people, for the longest possible time". That God is truely using you, your precious Conner and your family to the Glory of God. What an awesome calling and we are all with you in prayer. Look how many people you have touched! God is so good isn't he! :)

Bug said...

Ive looked at your blog a few times today Lori, and each time I truly don’t know what to say. I feel so sad for the loss to the Jewetts. I hold them in my heart and in my prayers. But Im worried about little bug, turning and staying dusky gray and getting blue around the lips is not a good thing. I pray that God gives that little man healing and rest... We all love him so very much. Take care Sheila

Susie - Maggie's Mom said...

Lori, your words were beautiful when talking about the sweet little Alanah - what a precious little soul she is. I'm sure her parents found comfort in your words. You are an amazing person.

I am so sorry that Little Bug is struggling so much - I know how hard and scary it must be for you to watch. It seems like the doctors need to do something before his scheduled surgery - I'm praying that they take him in sooner if he needs it. Keeping you in my prayers.
Susie DeVries.

Anonymous said...

Lori
I am speechless. I just got the call from your mom that you are on the way to CH by ambulance as Connor is struggling to breathe. You have probably had a very long and emotionally draining day speaking at Alanah's service and yet so priviledged to do that. Now you come home to a little guy whom you love so much and yet continues to struggle. You must be full of questions and frustrations, I can only imagine. I am praying for you right now and James and I will continue to do so for the rest of the evening and of course it does not stop there! You are on my mind and my heart is heavy for you and your beautiful family. I think it is so incredible that constantly you keep going to the WORD in the middle of your exhaustion, fears, anger, and weariness. The Lord has never failed to give you the strength that you need each time for all of these moments Connor has had (which has been alot!) I Know the Lords grace and mercy will continue to pull you and Randy through all of this.

Lord, we thank you for all that you have done this far for Connor and yet he needs so many miracles right now. You see and know what we can not fathom or understand and we know that you care about this family and see every little detail and need. We do not always understand your timing but help us all to trust in you and know that you are in control. Heal Connor's body tonight we pray.
Love
Tammy

Anonymous said...

We're praying for you guys. Love You all,

Love,Ted, Teresa, Chloe, Emma & Jake.

Berck Family said...

Lori-

Trust Trust Trust........ that is what he calls us to do, for when we are weak he is strong. For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans of hope. Lori hold on to the hopw and love that we have in our Lord. We love you and will continue to pray for your family.

Love always Aaron Amber Caleb and Isaac

Berck Family said...

lori-

Today at church we sang this amazing song and tears ran down my face as I thought of you and what is going on so I got the words and I wanted you to read them and meditate on them during these times:

When the Tears Fall


I've had questions without answers I've known sorrow
I have known pain But there's one thing that I cling to,
You are faithful Jesus your true
When hope is lost I call you Savior
When pain surrounds I call you healer
When silence falls You'll be the song within my heart

In the lone hour of my sorrow
Through the darkest night of my soul
You surround me and sustain me
My defender forever more

I will praise you, I will praise you
When the tears fall still I will sing to you
I will praise you Jesus praise you
Through the suffering, still I will sing to you.

We love you

Kristine and Abbie said...

Lori,

Abbie and I are going to stop right now and pray for all...I, as I often am, am at a loss for words... they just sound so trite...may our precious Jesus surround you, Randy and Connor with love, with strength and with with the perserverence to continue forward. May the docs have much wisdom...

Kristine Sorensen