Thursday, May 11, 2006

Walking Away.......Oh how it hurts.....

Oh my, what a day it has been. First the miraculous answer to our prayers. The visit to the OR today lended good news and bad news. The good news is that they DID NOT find Connor's lower airway to be floppy. Praise the Lord!!!!! They actually found it to be quite strong!!! For now we can put aside any thoughts of a Trach and move on to what could be the trouble. They did, however, see that Little Bug's upper airway and voice box area is EXTREMELY swollen and small. This could be due to the refluxing he did at the beginning of our medical journey or it could be that he is STILL refluxing even now. Tomorrow morning they will do a G-tube study to see if that is the case. So, all in all the news was positive from the Operating Room today!!

It is now 8pm and I had to walk away from Connor's room. He is going absolutely crazy with crying and pain and I cannot help him. I have cried my eyes out for him today. Everyone is perplexed. He has now spiked another fever, which could explain his crankiness, but they're not sure. They took X-ray's and took blood cultures so now we await results....ALWAYS WAITING!!!! I left him in the very loving hands of nurse Graham and she promises to call me if he doesn't eventually settle down. My nerves are frazzled and my body is weary so I am off to bed to get some rest. Oh how it hurts to walk away from your baby when he's struggling. Lord forgive me for not having the stamina to stay, but I must rest. Give my heart peace tonight and help Little Bug regain his strength. Please Lord, touch Connor in his body and heal him. We have faith and we believe. Please preform your work in him!!!

Thank you, dear ones, for all your love, prayers and support. I feel every prayer that is whispered on our behalf and I shout out, "Thank you Lord"!!

Goodnight & Lovebug Hugs,
Lori

17 comments:

Anonymous said...

Lori - I have prayed off and on all day today and am so thankful to hear that little Conner won't need a trach tube. My heart goes out to you for being so exhausted and having to leave your crying baby, never knowing what it is that is causing him such distress. My prayer for you tonight is that the Lord will give you peace that passes all understanding and that you will awaken refreshed in the morning. I pray that they will soon figure out what the problem is - please know that you are in our thoughts and prayers each day. Some day we will know why this has all happened but for now we just have to trust God and wait. We love you guys and pray also for Randy's save return. God bless! Shirley and Ernie

Anonymous said...

We are praying in Wyoming. Oh Lord, open the eyes and minds of the doctors to see what Connor needs. Lord teach us how to pray for this precious family. Please give all of them sleep.

The Wendtlands

Auntie Heather Milliren said...

Lori~

Sleep dear sister! I love you!

Heather

Anonymous said...

Oh Lori I can sense your weariness in your message tonite. I know today must have been tough & I so wish I could have been there to just sit with you & wait. BUT Praise The Lord that Connor is spared from undergoing a tracheotomy! I am so happy about that. We prayed on & off all day about just that.

My prayer is that after this tough day you will go & get some rest.

Lord, Give Lori the rest she so desperately needs to wake up feeling refreshed & hopeful for a new day & new hope. Help her to have complete trust in the Nurses tender loving care with Little bug. Help her fall asleep quickly & have deep sleep. I pray for Randy also that you would guide him, protect him & give him abundant strength. I pray for peace over Connor tonite & that he has a good night of rest.
Amen.

Lori, during a dark time in my life I had to repeat a specific scripture, it was this: "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me"....Litterally I did repeat it over & over again until I really BELIEVED it. I'm not sure why I just told you that (kinda personal) but I felt you could use it.

We love you guys & will press on with our prayers.

Still praying for a Mother's day miracle.

Love in Christ, Teresa & family

Anonymous said...

Oh Lori,

My heart hurts for you tonight. I guess you have to take the good with the bad but wouldn't it be nice to have a day with just good? I'm so sorry that Little Bug is so distressed. I'm so sorry that you have to watch him go through all fo this. I pray right now that the Lord will lift you up and give you and Conner STRENGTH!!!!!! God is AWESOME Lori. He is bigger than any fever, any fatigue, any worry or any fear!!! He holds precious Conner( as well as you and Randy) in the palm of His hands and He will lull him to sleep tonight as you get your much deserved rest.

Keep up the good fight friend!!!!

Anonymous said...

Lori,
I will pray that you will wake up tommarrow refreshed and to a much better day with Connor. "Lord please take away all of Connor's pain and show the cause to all of this." We thankyou Lord in advance with what you are going to do through the Robertson family. What miracles they are and they truly have proven to be people who know how to weather the storms in life. Give them break through and a light at the end of the tunnel. Please give them an overwhelming peace."
Love
Tammy thare

Anonymous said...

Good morning Lori and Little Connor. I hope you had peaceful night and feeling rested this morning.
I hope and pray that today will be a much needed calm day and that the doctors will have some positive results for you.
You are in our thoughts and prayers everyday.

Christine,Randy & Family

Jo Ann Collins said...

Lori: I hope you were able to rest last night. I know how terribly hard it is to walk away from your little one when he is obviously distressed. But you must take care of yourself to be there for him at other times. you know he is in the hand of some very capable nurses who it is obvious you have confidence in their care for Connor. And most of all he is in the hands of a loving Father who cares even more than you and is aways there when we can't be. Someday He will make all this plain to you, though it is hard to see any of it right now. He loves you and Randy & Connor so much and you have touched so many lives through Connor's journey. We all just keep on holding you up in prayer before the one Who loves you most. We pray for some break through for the docs soon. We love you JoAnn & Rip

Jacqueline Hendrickson said...

Lori,
You do need to allow yourself rest. Don't ever feel badly about leaving so that you can regain your strength and mental perspective. That is what you are supposed to do when you are in the hospital.
I will see you soon.

Love you and our bug,
Jacqueline

Anonymous said...

Lori,
we are praying for a much more encouraging day today. You and your little family are constantly on our hearts and we are praying praying praying!!!

Love,

Sue, Randy & family

Debi said...

Lori,
Oh how I hope you got some rest last night to start FRESH today...bless you

Lord let today be a better day than yesterday with some answers bring peace and comfort to Little Bug and Lori.....and wisdom to the doctors....bring safety, protection and peace to Little Bugs daddy while he is away......

Bless you...

Debi

Anonymous said...

Lori I just want to wish you a happy mothers day ! You brought into this world a blessing and a angel from god . Hang in there you have allot of people praying for you, Randy and especially little bug . Give it all give it all to Jesus and pray for his will in Conners life to be done . God knows the desires of your heart . God Bless

Heidi Deffenbacher said...

Lori,
Wow.....what a wonderfully amazing person you are. Thank you so much for taking precious time out of your day to update the many people who love you and are praying for you. Mom mentioned that she talked to your Mom and said that you started a blog. So yesterday I spent two hours reading the story of Little Connor and his family. I laughed, I cried, I prayed, and I gave thanks. What an amazing journey. Again, thank you for taking the time, energy, and love, to share your days with us.

I wanted to let you know that Jon and I have been praying for You, Randy, and little Connor, and we will continue to pray. Through this forum, we now have a way of finding out specific prayers that we can pray. And today, our prayer will be that God continues to hold Connor in his hands, even when no one else can, and heal him in his own special, gentle way. Also, that God wraps you and Randy in his arms and gives you a quiet place to rest. I pray that God gives you the energy that you so desperately need, so you can be ready to go for your little bug.

Remember that we love you and are praying for you.

With Love,
Heidi Deffenbacher

Cousin Emma said...

Hi Cousin Connor,

I love you. I will score 4 goals in Soccer for you tomorrow!!

I prayed for you last night. You are really nice.

Love, Cousin emma

P.S. We made ladybugs at school & my mom made one for YOU!

the haners said...

Lori, this is quite long, but I shared this with Susan and John Emery and she forwarded it on to your email, but just in case you don't get to your email, she suggested I forward it on your blog and I trust that it will give you a measure of comfort. . . .

I don't know if you are familiar with the "Streams in the Desert" devotional or not, but a friend gave me the journal one in 1999 and God has so spoken and blessed me through it, in challenges that I never dreamed I would be facing, which included losing my son in August of 2004 at age 42 following multiple health problems along with addiction mainly to prescription drugs, but thank the Lord, he was ready to go and God so divinely intervened, in multiple ways, that are too much to share at this point. I will share that Milt was scheduled for open heart surgery for valve replacement, because of severe aortic stenosis. As we were going out the door on the day of the surgery, the Sherrif's Chaplain was coming to our door to tell me my son had passed away during the night. It was a very surreal time and in some ways still is, but God was so faithful and as the poem Footprints indicates, He did and is carrying me through that very difficult time in ways that are amazing.
The following is a devotional that I noted in the front of the journal that was for May 10th and I'm not sure of the year that I marked it, but this is what I noted, "When I'm feeling overwhelmed and beyond myself and going down for the 3rd time read May 10th. I pray that it will comfort you, as it has comforted me . . . .

Faint not ~

How great is the temptation at this point! How the soul sinks, the heart grows sick, and the faith staggers under the keen trials and testing which come into our lives in times of special bereavement and suffering.
"I cannot bear up any longer, I am fainting under this providence. What shall I do? god tells me not to faint." But what can one do when he is fainting?
What do you do when you are about to faint physically? You cannot do anything. You cease from your own doings. In your faintness, you fall upon the shoulder of some strong loved one. You lean hard. You rest. You lie still and trust.
It is so when we are tempted to faint under affliction. God's message to us is not, "Be strong and of good courage," for He knows our strength and courage have fled away. But it is that sweet word, "Be still, and know that I am God."
Hudson Taylor was so feeble in the closing months of his life that he wrote a dear friend: "I am so weak I cannot write; I cannot even pray. I can only lie still in God's arms like a little child, and trust."
This wondrous man of God with all his spiritual power came to a place of physical suffering and weakness where he could only lie still and trust.
And that is all God asks of you, His dear child, when you grow faint in the fierce fires of affliction. do not try to be strong. Just be still and know that He is God, and will sustain you, and bring you through.
God keeps His choicest cordials for our deepest fainting.
"Stay firm and let thine heart take courage" {Ps. 27:14, After Osterwald}.

Stay firm, He has not failed thee in all the past,
And will He go and leave thee to sink at last?
Nay, He said He will hide thee beneath His wing:
And sweetly there in safety thou mayest sing.
~Selected

I hope this encourages and strengthens you and helps put things in perspective. I would love to send this to Lori, as she sounded totally drained emotionally and physically last night with the struggles that Connor is having, but I feel this is too long for the blog. Perhaps you know whether she has an email and perhaps could forward it on to her.

I don't have the answers of the whys of this life, but I do know that God is faithful through all He calls us to endure.

Blessings and care,
Judy

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