Friday, May 12, 2006

WHY??????????????

There really are not eloquent words for our experience today. The only word that comes to mind is, WHY? Why does Little Bug have to suffer? Why are the doctor's perplexed? Why do I feel like my mind is ready to explode with worry? Why can't we just go home? WHY? WHY? WHY?

I had hoped for a better day for Connor today, but it was not. He was supposed to go for his G-tube study today but it was cancelled because Connor was balistic and in an absolute frenzy the majority of the day. It was worse than yesterday and lasted longer as well. He had moments that were very seizure like, but once again they are not sure. They have now decided to give him round the clock sedation so that he doesn't tailspin into these episodes!! So much for cute little coos and crooked little smiles. Little Bug is going to take a long winter's nap (or should I say spring nap) until Monday when they can take him in for tests. They are hoping he responds to the sedation because they have to give it to him through his g-tube. He normally responds to sedation through his IV but all his IV lines are blown out and they have tried SOOOOOOOOOOOO hard to get a line in him and they have been unsuccessful. He has bruises all over his arms and legs from pokes and it makes me so sad to look at how he must be hurting.

My eyes are once again swollen from crying all day. Thanks Mom for being here with me for a few hours today. It was wonderful to have you hold my hand when I was hurting so badly for Connor. I will be attending baby Michaels memorial service tomorrow afternoon. Please pray for strength and grace for his family as they say goodbye to their sweet baby. Please also pray for our hospital buddy "Skylar". He has been through quite a road here and has gone on and off the ventulator numerous times. They just decided today to do a trach on him so that he can go home and heal. Please remember him and his sweet family in your prayers as well.

Lovebug Hugs,
Lori

37 comments:

Anonymous said...

Just remember that I love you. You are a courageous mommy.
Happy Mommie's Day... :)

Don't forget that I owe you a Coke,
Ruthie

Anonymous said...

Dear Lord,

Please touch Connor. Heal his fragile little body Jesus.

Amen

Anonymous said...

Oh Lori,
We are praying. We are so sorry for the bad couple of days. Glad to hear your Mom got to be there for awhile today. Jesus, give the doctors amazing wisdom Lord and touch Connor's little body with your healing touch. Jesus, be with Lori tomorrow as she goes to Michael's memorial service and give her amazing strength. Amen.

Love,
Sue

RNP said...

Continuing prayers for Connor, and for mom and dad.

RNP said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Kristine said...

Again, Lori, I know that you don't me, or my little girl Abbie, but we know your brother, Bryan...

Anyway, Lori, my heart hurts for you today. My heart hurts for Connor and his poked and prodded little body.

I pray, and Abbie, in her three-year-old way, prays for Connor...his healing and being out of pain. We pray for strength, and for the ability to find peaceful moments in the chaotic place of a hospital for you.

I am not in your shoes, nor do I fully understand the mind of God so there is no way I can say I understand or make promises about the journey that you and your family are on with God...but, I do know that we do have a God who does hear our prayers and who is loving and ever merciful.

Many whispers and shouts to our Lord for you, Randy and Connor.

Kristine (for Abbie, too)

Anonymous said...

Lori,
My heart is heavy for you and Connor, and how hard it must be for Randy being gone at this tough time. Please know that we are praying and have called some others to pray too! All of this is soooo hard to understand and I can not even begin to imagine what you must be going through! The questions of "why?" is more than understandable, I do not get it but I am glad that God does see all and know all. I will be praying specifically for your strength and faith to be built up over this weekend. I will be also praying for revelation for the docs.
Love
Tammy

Jill said...

Lori,
Oh how we pray for you and Connor. I have no understanding why all of this is happening and I'm certain that it is taking it's toll on you. We will pray for calm days for Connor and for God's comfort and loving arms for you. Although the hours are long at the hospital, please know that we are holding you in our thoughts all the day long.
Hopefully Connor will be calm and comfortable and you can have a joyous Mother's Day.

Emery six said...

It's time for the doctors to figure out what's going on. C'mon docs, let's do it. I know, it's just frustration. Time for us to put some extra 'knee' time in. Blessed Lord, hear the groans of the prisoners crying out to you. Like the psalmist of old, Lori's tears have been her food day and night. How long, O Lord? Nevertheless, we put our trust and hope in you. For with you is unfailing love. Act, Lord Jesus. Come to their aid quickly, O Lord. Show us the power of your name and deliver. Glorify your name. Amen

Lori, tell yourself, this is temporary. The suffering will end. The pain will give way to peace. It will be a thing of the past. Joy will once again crown your head. Once you have stood the test, you will receive a crown.

The Emery's

Maureen said...

Lori,
I wanted to read your blog so bad but you know the boys..."my space" comes first!! Anyways, I did get your message and I am so sorry that our machine does not have better manners and cut you off. Thankyou for calling. Here you are in a world of hurt and you made me feel better...it should be the other way around.
As I read your blog I thought of a book I saw today at the store about a catepillar who takes a long nap and in the end of the book he wakes up to be a become a beautiful butterfly. I pray that after Connor's long nap here he can wake up and feel like he is a beautiful butterfly. Lord, be with my dear sister tonight and our baby and give them both a deep rest and peace which only comes from you.
I love you, Lori,
Maureen

Anonymous said...

Our hearts are aching for you. There is a pit in my stomach as I read your posts and imagine all that Connor, you, and Randy must endure. As a mother, I know that you feel Connor's pain in every cell of your body and his cries must resonate endlessly in your head. We are praying for a Mother's day gift of miraculous peace and healing for all of you.

Love and prayers,
Susan, Jason, and Tyler

Auntie Teresa said...

Lori & Randy,

My heart is also heavy for you. I'm so thankful that your mom could be with you today. We Will be praying for your strength tomorrow as you go to baby Michael's Memorial Service. Of course we will press on with our prayers for Connor. We are praying for complete healing & for the Doctor's to have divine Wisdom, to open their eyes to new things. We love you "little Bug"...
And hope you feel so much better really soon.

We love you all, Teresa

Connor bugaboo, I know your favorite Angel Herman is right next to you tonite....I'll pray that he never leaves your side o.k. Your mommy needs rest too so that she can be the good Mommy that she is. Love & Prayer's...

Anonymous said...

My prayers go out to you Lori, I am so sorry you are in so much pain. I am also praying for hubby and daddy so far away. He must be so upset to know you are in pain and he can't be there to comfort you.
Leslie

Anonymous said...

Boy did the tears come when we read that after mulitple times they couldn't get an IV in precious Connor. We remember those awful days, the worry, fear and even anger as our son was poked over and over again. During those awful incidents I was usually able to hold Taylor and we would cry while the doctors poked and we prayed. We pray for Connor healing and for you perspective, strength and sleep.

The Wendtlands

Anonymous said...

Randy and Lori,
We have both stopped to say a prayer for you right now. We pray for you Lori, to have a peaceful 1st Mother's Day. As you know, Our God IS an AWSOME God, and your prayers are being answered!
Marc and Dixie Halvorsen

the haners said...

Lori, I sent you a post meaning it to be on this one and sent it to your Thursday's one. I hope you can read it, as it was taken from a devotional that was a huge help to me when I was going through a very difficult time of my life.

You continue to be in our hearts and prayers, during the heart wrenching time.

Judy

Michelle said...

So sorry to hear how rough a day it was ... praying for better days ahead as well as answers. How frustrating this must be. Keeping sweet baby Michael's family in my thoughts and prayers as well.

Anonymous said...

Lori wow what a last couple of days you have had...I pray peace and comfort for you...tomorrow is Mothers Day and Little Bug just loves his mommy so much he is resting I hope with his meds... so take a walk if you can and enjoy the fresh air...

God is ALWAYS WITH US...HE NEVER SLEEPS (something we have to remind our youngest son when he is fearful)I pray for you to rest...easier said than done I know however as moms we do need to refuel once in awhile....

Have a Happy Mothers Day....

Debi

Heather Bennett said...

I wish you the happiest of Mother's Days today! You have been a mother for such a short period of time but you are a pro!!!! I am so proud of the mother that you are. I am so proud of the woman of God that you are. My prayers today are special for you. May God bless you and Connor with some time of love and peace and joy today. I bet if you put your ear right next to Little Bug you'll hear him tell you how much he loves you and what an AMAZING MAMA you are!!!

I love you dearly my friend & heart sister!

Love and Happy Mother's Day!
Heather

Ofelia said...

Greetings, Favored Woman! "The Lord is with YOU!!" Luke 1:28 Lori, Happy "MOTHER'S Day although I have never met you I feel like I have known you all my life (53 yrs.) you have taught me so much about being a mother. You have called on JESUS!!! Thank You Ofelia Ayala

Anonymous said...

Dear Lori,
Happy Mother's Day today! You are so blessed to have such a sweet & wonderful son as Connor. And I know he speaks to you in ways that noone else hears but you. Right now he may speak to you with his eyes & his coos. But some day he will rise up & call you blessed because you are a most awesome mother to him. You are such a committed, faithful, and loving mom!!!! So, until the day when he'll curl up in your lap, put his chubby little hands on your cheeks, and whisper to you that you are the "Best Mommy in whole wide world!", until then, know that he says it with his eyes of love to you....and God whispers it into your ears too!
Oh Lord, please give this new Mommy, Lori, such an overflowing sense of joy & peace today to know & feel that you honor her today! Let our little bug know & feel too, that You are in control, and that you are in the process of smoothing out the rough places in his little life. Thank you, Lord, for hearing & responding to the many, many prayers that have...are... and will go out for this loving family. We Trust You Lord!!!

Anonymous said...

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY LORI!! I AM PRAYING BLESSINGS FOR YOU ON THIS DAY ESPECIALLY! YOU ARE ALREADY A SUPERMOM!!!

LOVE,
ANDREA

Auntie Teresa & Sister said...

Lori,

You are an AWESOM MOM! We wish you a beautiful Mother's Day! Won't it be a wonderful day when Your Son will rise up & call you BLessed!

We love You, Lovebug hugs to you today..Ted, Teresa, Chloe, Emma & Jake!

Tanna & Kenny McGill said...

Lori,

We pray for a peaceful Mother's
Day for you and your Little Bug. Just know there are so many people lifting your family up in prayer. God bless you all...
Tanna & Kenny McGill
Shelton

Dad & Mom M said...

Lori, I know that I can't be in there with you today, but please know that my heart is with you on this your first mother's day. Lori, all the comments also reflect our feelins as well! Mom and I are soooo proud of you, and we love you! Give little "love bug" a hug and a kiss from grandma & grandpa. You truly are a "most blessed woman", and the most famous daughter (and mother) in the whole wide world.
We love you,
Dad, Mom, Grandpa & grandma.

the haners said...

You are a wonderful mother and we wish all the best for you, Randy, and your dear little lovebug Connor. HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!! with many many more to come!!

Judy

Berck Family said...

Lori-

You are a blessing to connor and he is your precious gift. Treasure every moment no matter how tough it is. We always take the little things for granted. Keep looking up, the Lord only gives us what we can handle and all our trials are for his ultimate GLORY! We love you!! Happy Mother's Day enjoy and RELAX

Aaron Amber Caleb and Isaac

Anonymous said...

Lori, I have thought of you all day today. I wish you a special Happy Mother's Day...as this is the evening I hope it was a calm and peaceful day for Connor, and that you were able to share it with your wonderful family.
I saw this morning our neighbors the Rall's setting the sprinkler on your front lawn. Randy had raked and seeded spots before he left this last week. The gardens look good. We miss you.
I pray for you all day and night and look forward to the days when you are home and we can visit and fuss over Connor!
It's so hard to understand why you are being asked to go through all this, why Connor is asked to go through all this???? I pray for a reason we can all understand at the end of this journey.
Please God, give the doctors the answers we need to heal Connor and put this most difficult time behind us. We need your help now....
We love you and keep you in our constant thoughts.
I pray you had a wonderful Mother's Day.

Christine, Randy & Kids.

Anonymous said...

Hi Lori and Randy,

Your Faith in our Lord Jesus Christ will not go unnoticed. Remember, He knew Connor, long before you did and he knows all about Connor's life. Hold strong to Him and each other.

Know that many are praying for you and your "little bug."

Many prayers and Blessings to you and your family.

Sincerely,

Abbi

Anonymous said...

Dear Jesus, be with little Conner, what an amazing baby boy. Your plans for this little life are beyond any of our comprehension. What we do comprehend is that he is in God's hands and he is on a mission. A mission to arouse love and compassion in so many people. A mission to show that in the midst of the darkest hour You O'Lord are there for us. A mission to show the love and faithfulness of parents who trust in You in the most trying of times. A mission to show that not only those who know Conner "Littlebug", but even those that have just heard about him knows that his strength and courage comes from above from His heavenly Father.

Thank you Lord for being there with Randy, Lori and Littlebug and revealing Your Love and Your strength in them and through them.
We all wait expectantly to see Your hand move mightily on this precious chosen family, we know You will be faithful! Amen

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